Mad Mike Reviews Total Divas: Let the A’s Breathe

God help me, I’ve been suckered in….don’t know how long this will last, but here we go!

Segment 1

• JoJo literally has no personality
• Eva Marie is very cute but clearly has never seen wrestling before
• Oh…this is the “house swap” episode…got it
• Nattie was about to call him “Johnny” that’s cute
• Given where we are now, I have a feeling Eva Marie can’t dance
• ROAD DOGG!!!!!!
• Sure Nikki….being bitches are your “characters” right?
• Hey Eva Marie…that should probably be in your resume if it’s true
• Wow…JoJo playing wingwoman is better than Eva Marie shamelessly flirting
• Of course she can’t dance! Lord this is fucking stupid

Segment 2

• Brie saying she just got a shot of her sister’s beav is a little awkward
• Eva Marie is kinda awful, and clearly knows nothing about wrestling
• Cena just fucked up by saying he thought Eva Marie attracted attention to herself
• Eva Marie’s boyfriend looks like a shaved cock
• Also Eva Marie….kind of a whore
• TWO AND A HALF MONTHS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS YOU GUYS
• Wait……fucking what?
• JoJo is probably the only realistic person on this show besides Cena and Bryan
• Cameron…I hate you, stop trying for catchphrases….fetch isn’t going to happen
• “Hi! We’re the Bella Twins! And welcome to WWE Cribs!!!”
• Cena’s closet has a ladder….a fucking ladder
• Brie seems like she is actually a decent person, Nikki seems awful…like the worst person
• I hope Cena and Bryan were watching like old ROH tapes or playing shuffleboard or something
• Eva is a prick, the fuck that we know this doesn’t work at all is hilarious

Segment 3

• Bryan dog paddling needs to be an animated gif NOW
• Cameron….that looks like EVERY OTHER FUCKING OUTFIT YOU’VE WORN
• Hey Eva, they said it was all about chemistry AFTER YOU SAID YOU COULD BALLROOM DANCE
• “What do I have to do to get this part?” *cue porn music*
• Poor Johnny Curtis is getting played
• Maybe instead of trying to fuck Fandango, Eva should have taken some dance classes

Segment 4

• One piece of wood for three from the guys is actually pretty fair
• I love Bryan and Cena in the front of a car driving, it looks so hilariously awkward
• Jon Uso is not impressed by Cameron’s voicemails 4/10
• The Bellas strategy: tits.
• Bryan slowly taking off his shirt is yet another gif
• The zoom on Cena’s package is a tad unnecessary
• Why is Cena dressed for the ring in bed with Nikki? Are they going to have a lingerie pillow fight?
• Kinda weird to see a Bella have a legitmate concern and not just bitchy banter

Segment 5

• I love to watch the setup for Raw
• I love how the Funkadactyl’s are legit dancers and know shit is wrong

Segment 6

• I hope JoJo has told them all she can’t dance
• God she is awful
• The guy WWE rep was doing the Vince tugging at his ear motion
• HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHA THEY BLURRED NAOMI’S VAGAYGAY
• Cameron you don’t have tits…I mean cmon
• Oh shit…it’s Steph, shit’s gonna get fucked up
• P.S. yes I realize this is all fake bullshit, but I mean….we get suckered into Taker’s schtick

Segment 7

• So she doesn’t get fired for lying to all of her employers…that’s always good for a person less than a month on the job
• Hopefully this forces Eva Marie to really get in the gym and train….JK now she’s gonna try and fuck Cena