Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!
Segment 1: Sting talking, intro, Sting in-ring segment, Knockouts segment
- I smell red and yellow, Sting says….certainly not the colors of money
- I love whenever people on Impact say “you saw what happened last week” when at least 75% of the time that isn’t true, because it was recorded the night before
- This whole Sting thing doesn’t make sense, he wants Hogan to be a face, so he is fighting him…
- Dancing in the rain? Is Sting R. Kelly?
- “Being medically cleared” and “Being able to swing a chair” are not the same thing Sting
- Bischoff, Hogan, and Sting’s entrance musics are virtually indistinguishable from each other
- The internet says this is going to be a tag team match now, I’m hoping its cancelled instead
- Hey Karen, you said “brothel” is too big of a word for Traci, then she suggested “ho house” which is not only two words…but longer
Segment 2: Match 1: Miss Tessmacher Vs. Mickie James, Racist America segment
- If Karen really wanted to clean up the Knockouts division and make them less skanky, tell the cameramen to back up a bit
- The rest of Mickie James’ jean shorts have been used to knit Jesse Neal’s food stamps
- Sunset Flips = Y Angle Lens….think about it
- Why do I want roast beef?
- God that hot shot was rough…
- How is Mickie wearing three tops and still not able to cover her tits?
- God fucking dammit I hate you MeX-Pac
Segment 3: Al Snow talking to Meth,Match 2: Austin Aries Vs. Jesse Sorenson, RVD and Anderson promo
- Start at the top to make amends? Really…don’t you think he should make it up to everyone by, you know, actually earning some respect back, by starting at the bottom?
- Wow such a huge title match, Sorensten doesn’t even get an entrance
- OOH TNA is using Twitter! They want to know who I think should get a shot at the X-Division Championship…..SHIIMA!!!
- Austin Aries is awesome
- You know, seeing all these Direct Auto commercials…I wonder if they really wanna support a company that has drivers like Matt Hardy, Kurt Angle, and Nick Hogan very closely related to the product
- Kid Kash has come out! TNA needs to fill its quota of having a 40 year old in every segment
- Nice to see these two matches at the biggest ppv of the year were announced casually in a backstage segment
Segment 4: Racist America get tattoos, Jeff being lectured by Beast
- Wow a tattoo parlor involving a tag team…this surely can’t end badly can it?
- MeX-Pac wants tequila so they can drink and drive after he gets his tat, this segment sponsored by Direct Auto Insurance
- For a man who has as many tattoos as MeX-Pac does, he doesn’t seem afraid of needles…
- Hey look it’s Ink Inc in an ink shop
- Wow that tattoo girl threw a pretty nice worked elbow, she can’t possibly be a wrestler can she???
- Jesse Neal just threw vasoline on MeX-Pac in a “skeet-like” fashion
- TNA really shouldn’t remind all of us, that they totally screwed over the fans with Jeff
- Nice to see Morgan admit he was on painkillers and that he’s sober, cool moment for this
- BTW if this leads to a storyline where Jeff is “using” I’m flying to Orlando and punting Bischoff and Russo in the taint
Segment 5: RVD backstage, Jeff seeking the drunk driver, Kurt in ring segment
- Kurt is about to win the gold medal in hypocrisy
- People get all bent out of shape about Cena being a 12 time champion, Kurt is a 14 time champion
- Jeff totally could have made this storyline interesting by asking Kurt about his addictions, but alas they talk about the title
- BTW Jeff saying he is Kurt’s biggest threat right before you are trying to push Roode as a serious threat…horrible idea
- Also, these are the most odd paced segments ever
Segment 6: Kurt in-ring continued (hope I didn’t miss anything)
- I miss my red-headed friend Carly from last week in the front row, this reject from a metal band is scaring me
- Absolutely no one is buying that there is dissension in Fortune, which can mean only one thing, TNA is turning someone else from Fortune heel
- I think James Storm just asked Kurt for a handjob
Segment 7: Match 3: Bully Ray and Jerry Lynn Vs. Mr. Anderson and No one….because no one wants to team with an asshole
- 3 Segments without a match so far, for those keeping track
- TNA now wants to know, after Bound for Glory, who should get the next title shot? Umm I don’t know assholes, how bout I see who wins the match first? Seriously, isn’t this your biggest ppv of the year? Why are you already trying to get me to think about anything after that?
- Wait a minute…….Carly is somehow back in the front of hard camera side. I’m going to rewind for a quick second to see if this is indeed a different crowd.
- Wow. Just fucking wow. It is. I just rewound to the segment before this match, and the crowd is completely different! Here is the photographic evidence!
- This is from the EXACT SAME SHOW, its no wonder there’s no continuity in the crowd…they don’t even tape the same shows at the same time
- I’d tell you about the rest of this match, but Bully needed to cheat to win a handicap match…by clotheslining with a chain
Segment 8: James Storm backstage, Match 4: Daniels Vs. Roode (um or not…)
- I hate when anyone on TNA mentions ratings
- This is the lamest heel turn I think I’ve ever seen
- Remember when these two had the best angle ever years ago…yeah that was awesome
Segment 9: Daniels and Styles are still fighting…, Angle/Steiner promo
- Really? we needed a commercial for this?
- Worst product placement ever.
- So does this mean we are back to FOURtune and not FIVEtune?
- Wow Steiner has been training Angle…this is your TNA folks
Segment 10: Kaz/Daniels/AJ promo, Bischoff promo, Match 4 (4 reals): Storm Vs. Angle
- “This isn’t pro wrestling bullshit” this sure isn’t
- Why is AJ fake vomiting?
- Hogan says he’s going to drop a bombshell that will change the industry forever…how many times in the past 3 years have they said they would “change the industry”
- Borash should really only do the in-ring announcements if its a title match
- Did he just say Beer Money Incorporated? When the hell was the last time they were called that? Get your shit together TNA.
- FYI this is now the non-Carly crowd, my interested is immediately lessened
- You know you product is abysmal when it takes a cute redhead for me to notice that you are completely full of shit
- I just realized I have never known what James Storm’s finisher is
- In fact, outside of the ex WWE guys, and a handful of TNA guys…finishers aren’t well established in TNA altogether, I mean Styles Clash, Angel’s Wings (does that even work?), Rear Naked Choke….is that it?
- Apparently Storm’s finisher is a superkick….really?? I don’t take Tenay’s word for this
- Ah ha! Maybe his finisher is “The Eye of the Storm” seriously…finishers in TNA don’t exist
- Ref bump. This is shocking.
- Hey guys, remember those couple of weeks when Gunner was pushed? Remember when he actually attacked Bully Ray? No….me neither……though I totally do
- So this match just has no ending? Terrific…
- Roode kinda looks like a hybrid of Shane Douglas and Rick Rude…
- Well that sure was a show…I’ll give them credit at least they have matches lined up for a ppv a month away