Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!
Segment 1: Sting promo, Hogan walking
- Sting is really explaining too many angles for people to take any of this seriously
- I just opened my can of soda at the same time the beer opened on Beer Money’s theme song, Gibbs was wrong there are coincidences
- Sting says he thinks Roode can beat Angle, which means he can’t…that’s how the Joker works right?
- This is what I like to call a “hard sell” and it’s a shame because TNA isn’t giving Roode that belt
- Wasn’t AJ just the champion like a year ago?
Segment 2: Match 1: 5 Way Ladder Match: Kendrick Vs. Shiima Vs Football guy Vs Kid Rock Vs Shelley; Kaz promo
- Hooray A Double is talking!
- Whoa really hot blonde in the front row, what’s she doing there?
- Oh snap Carly is there again!
- Apologies for talking about women in the crowd but the match hasn’t really gotten going yet
- The ladder doesn’t look tall enough…
- I’d love Shiima to win this, but it seems doubtful
- Twitter asks what X-Division star will have the biggest impact next year….it’s still September, wow
- Curse of anyone in the ring that isn’t Curt Hennig: “blue chip athlete”
- Wow that fall looked nasty for Kash
- “Wizard of Odd” is the worst nickname ever, and I hate Kendrick
- Kaz has the girliest hair ever
- I’d also like to thank the fine people at TBS for showing an hour of Big Bang Theory at the same time as Impact, something nice to have on the picture-in-picture
Segment 3: Flair talking, Jarretts and Kaz promo
- Flair wants to be a part of something, I assume this was him discussing his role on the Cleveland Show…nice promotion btw TNA (psst there was none!)
- So wait a minute, they are establishing that Kaz and Traci are together, yet they also established that Traci fucked Bischoff three times to get her Knockouts Law job…what??
- Hey Jeff, the grass probably would have been greener if Kaz would have cut his girly ass hair
- The crowd is great at throwing their voices, I hear lots of booing but see no lips moving
- I thought Jeff couldn’t fire anyone, doesn’t Hogan and Bischoff have all the power?
- Yes Mike, that’s Immortal’s Gunner, not to be confused with Image Comic’s Gunner or McDonalds; Gunner
Segemnt 4: Match 2(?): Army McTattoo Vs. Hernandez, Bully promo
- $379 for a cruise with TNA superstars….ok let’s be fair $379 for a cruise with Velvet Sky, I dunno…might be worth it
- Oh good a blindside attack, we wouldn’t want to have an actual match? Naaaah
- Normally I wouldn’t advocate this, but can we have the one-time return of Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake to shave both members of Ink Inc?
- God dammit I hate you MeX-Pac
- Wow Bully Ray was really the first person Hogan called with his announement…sure he did
Segment 5: James Storm promo, Flair promo, Video package
- Storm says he has to go watch a match…I wonder where he’s going to do that?
- Flair really doesn’t want Hogan to do something…I’m assuming its get married again
- Nice to see a video package chronicling the history between Tara and Maddy, too bad it doesn’t mean anything as the feud ended back in July
Segment 6:Match 2: Maddy Vs. Tara
- It’s 10:00 and we’ve had one match, just throwing that out there
- I love Maddy’s theme song, but if Karen is calling herself Queen isn’t this rather derivative?
- I think I just saw Tara’s labia…Y Angle lens
- So Maddy is flirting with Earl because he’s a dirty old man…that’s really the story in this match
- Ok now Maddy hit Earl and Earl is going to let Tara cheat…TNA is really backwards
- Carly seems to be a Tara fan though
- Maddy got the win anyway, wow
- Jesus the cleavage on Madison is insane, you can literally see the floor behind her through her tits
Segment 7: Daniels segment,Crimson promo
- Daniels really has the worst heel turn ever
- Wow this is still about Crimson’s undefeated streak? Really?
- They did this exact feud already, just with less utterances of the word “bitch”
- And Morgan comes out for the save, who exactly is this feud between again?
- Morgan and Crimson are kinda the same person, they’re like the uncharismatic Skyscrapers
Segment 8: AJ segment, Match 3: Pope Vs. Anderson, Roode promo
- CAN SOMEONE BAN D-VON’S CHILDREN FROM THE STATE OF FLORIDA???????????
- Face Vs. Face, yup this will be a great one…
- I can definitely see why WWE cut both these guys
- SERIOUSLY SOMEONE EJECT D-VON’S SONS FROM EVERY IMPACT TAPING
- Oh wow a run-in, nice to see TNA trying something new, especially since the match should have already been over
- Robert Roode is so good, I wish he’d win
Segment 9: D-Von and his sons segment, Rocky Roode segment, Match 4: AJ Vs. Roode
- D-Von….STOP BRINGING YOUR KIDS TO SHOWS! THEY INTERFERE EVERY FUCKING TIME!!
- Oh goodie, I hope this goes to an abusive father route…that’d be great
- It would be a God damned shame if they are putting this much effort into Roode for him to lose
- I still don’t trust TNA to do the right thing at Bound For Glory
- Carly looks good in HD
- Wow really heavyset woman right behind Roods has such a large Jeff Hardy shirt on, it looked like Jeff’s disembodied head was floating in the crowd
- @TNACreative just made a derogatory comment about my future wife Carly, how dare they
- Nice to see that all these Fortune Vs. Roode matches are showing Roode can get out of submission moves
- These matches give me hope that Angle/Roode will be great, but too much potential for clusterfucks
- Very cool finish, extremely cool, dodging the Pele right into the crossface, that was fantastic
Segment 10: Roode/AJ segment, Hogan announcement
- Very nice segment with Roode and AJ, apart from the shitty Daniels heel turn, the Fortune stuff has been awesome
- Of course this ultimately means TNA will fuck this up and have Storm turn on Roode costing him the belt
- Wow someone had a copy of an old WWF Magazine with Hogan on it
- Hogan, no offense you had your big break WAAAAY before you wrestled Andre at WM3
- Sting…wow, dropping a Suburban Commando reference, that’s awesome
- Hogan wanted to tell the people that loved him the most and haven’t asked for alimony
- Wow, there are people actually crying for this “retirement”
- Maybe they’re just crying because they couldn’t get into the Harry Potter ride
- Hogan is saying all the people that Immortal is against is the future, you know the very people that he has been burying for the past two years
- Hogan is telling people to come out to a show that has already been taped to say goodbye, oh man I’d hate to be some of those idiots who don’t know it was taped
- And Joker closes the show by saying the bridge and tunnel crowd are in for a big surprise…or something