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Mad Mike Reviews Total Divas: Is It Someone’s Birthday?

Okay so I’m watching this episode after Raw…and the #pipebombshell AJ dropped, so this should be hilarious.

001

Segment 1

  • Hey Eva…..John is kinda seeing someone, also aren’t you kinda engaged?
  • Roman Reigns should have speared both of them
  • Birthday mentions: 1
  • I’m pretty sure that it’s a creepy Canadian thing that Tyson’s mom wants to sleep with Nattie
  • Cameron….shut the fuck up, unless you are paying for Naomi’s new shit, shut the fuck up
  • Cameron had to really rehearse that “Girl bye!” for a long time
  • Birthday mentions: 2
  • Birthday mentions: 3
  • Birthday mentions: 4
  • If Nattie taught the Bellas how to wrestle and the Bellas taught Nattie how to be a Diva, it’s no wonder they all suck
  • Birthday mentions: 5 and 6
  • NOT THE CROSSFACE TYSON!! NOT THE CROSSFACE!!!!
  • Birthday mentions: 7
  • Birthday mentions: 8

Segment 2

  • Cameron…stop saying fucking “work” when you don’t even know HOW TO FUCKING WORK
  • God damn Nikki…..how do you confuse Stalin for Churchill?
  • Cena knows Chinese? That’s a new wrinkle for his gimmick
  • Birthday mentions: 9
  • Tyson’s mom looks really strung out
  • 12 years is rushing a wedding? I’m gonna present that opinion to my girlfriend and see what she thinks.
  • P.S. I’ll probably single soon if I do that…..ladies
  • Naomi is fucking athletic as shit
  • “It’s not about the moves” sums up why people hate the divas division

Segment 3

  • Birthday mentions: 10
  • There are too many people who have J’s in their name on the show: JoJo, John, Jaret, TJ, etc.
  • HOW DO YOU NOT GO VISIT YOUR GRANDFATHER’S GRAVE IN SIX YEARS???
  • So we should be blaming your grandfather for the woman you are today Nikki?
  • CURSE YOU POP POP!!
  • Birthday mentions: 11 and 12
  • For being together 12 years, it sure seems like Tyson and Nattie have an awful relationship
  • Birthday mentions: 13 and 14
  • Odd shout out to Nancy Grace…
  • Birthday mentions: 15
  • Cameron…..stop saying fucking anything, you say “boo boo face” I wanna punch you in the neck
  • JoJo’s line for this episode: Aw, yay.
  • Cameron has to be like a 13 year old child right?
  • Seriously…JoJo is the only likable person on this show besides Cena and Bryan, and that’s because she doesn’t talk

Segment 4

  • Birthday mentions: 16 and 17
  • P.S. Jaret looks like Tyson with the mumps
  • Jaret hitting on an engaged woman adds to the list of horrible people
  • Hee. He said “do do”
  • The Bellas should be booked from Brawley, California….just sayin
  • Their brother’s name is JJ? Oh come the fuck on J is not that popular of a letter!
  • Look at that fedora…..wow

Segment 5

  • FAKE ACTING.
  • FAAAAAAAKE AAAAAAAAAAAACTIIIIIIIING
  • The Bellas’ dad’s lisp is hilarious
  • Turning down a match on Raw because you had a little tiff is always a great idea
  • Yelling at each other in front of your bosses is always a good idea
  • Stephanie is “top lady” I’m sure she loves being called that
  • Stephanie must hate this shit
  • I’d rather see a reality show about Sandra, the seamstress lady
  • Brie seems like a good person, especially when she says to not say “Team BooBoos”
  • Naomi is clearly the better wrestler of the two Funkadactyls, and Nattie is being a horrible person…but at least she didn’t say it was her birthday
  • TAG TEAM WRESTLING IS REAL FRIENDSHIPS YALL
  • Next week: THE JOJO STORYLINE AND FALLING FUCKING BELLAS!!!!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES