Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy! And this week is very special boys and girls, since I had food poisoning last week, and didn’t want to watch anything that might make me vomit, I avoided TNA. So this week you will get two reviews! God give me strength…
Show 1 (12/15)
Segment 1: Recrap, Match 1: Overtime match
- Wow, really starting off Impact with how you screwed over anyone who bought the PPV? Smart move
- This is the second time the live crowd was pissed at the ending of a PPV and the second time Sting agreed with them, not a good sign at all
- Oh good Carly is here, this episode is automatically better
- So wait, this match is Sudden Death? Then why have a time limit? This doesn’t make any sense already
- It really irritated me that during Final Resolution there was no scoreboard
- Jesus, five minute time limit kicking in, this is retarded
- Wow, AJ totally missed that springboard 450
- Why even make a fucking time limit??? This is fucking idiotic!
- Wow that was really anticlimactic, wtg TNA
Segment 2: Wild Card Match 1
- Hernandez and Robbie T? Really??
- Say what you will about WWE, but they actually have 3 established tag teams, TNA is breaking up any teams they have for this thing
- Abyss and Steiner together, ugh this is awful
- Wow, a super back body drop by Steiner
- Earl is the worst referee ever
- Interesting progression of this storyline with Abyss
Segment 3: Angle segment
- So the new thing is “Cowboy Up”? That’s lame
- Angle is just going to go in a redneck town and start beating people up? That’s awful
Segment 4: Match 3: Shiima Vs. Niese, Jarretts segment, Shiima segment
- Ok so this is for a spot in a fourway that the other two spots, the guys don;t have to earn their way in? I’m begging TNA to make some sense
- This is a really good match, but I don;t have to tell you guys this, its Shiima after all
- I wish it was just these two fighting for number contendership considering Sorrensten and Kash’s feuds haven’t been exciting at all
- I also wish Aries would do commentary for this series of matches
- Shiima is being an awesome heel right now, this doesn’t bode well for his chances of winning
- Hooray Shiima wins!!
- I really hope Karen goes away, she has been really irritating, whereas Jeff has been the most entertaining he has in years
- “Me, Myself, and Ion” now see THAT is a fucking catch phrase
Segment 5: Flair/Gunner bit, Match 4: Seriously isn’t Jesse Neal done yet?
- I really hate Gunner
- Haha, the Impact Fantasy Game is still a thing???
- Worst looking DDT ever…srsly
Segment 6: Sting/Karen segment,Hardy segment, Joe segment
- Hahahaha Karen is totally turning on her husband, that’s kinda hilarious
- Oh I really hope this clears up the logic issue with Karen being a bitch to the Knockouts
- If Jeff wins at Genesis, I really think I may stop watching Impact
- Oh thank God, Bully is here for some actual entertainment
- No Bully, we don’t want Jeff being creative, have you ever seen those stupid statues and heard his “moetry” I’d rather have food poisoning again
- Honestly, I think I would really like to see a ladder match with Bully and Jeff for the championship
- God I really hate Joe, its the same boring ass promo over and over again
- Magnus is too good for this
Segment 7: Match 5: Wild Card Match Robbie E and Doug Williams Vs. Joe and Magnus, Jeff/Sting segment
- I’d honestly rather see Joe with a guy like EY…that would be pure gold
- When did TNA remember they had the members of the British Invasion?
- Why couldn’t we have the British Invasion going against Red and Blue?
- Technically this is a match of all heels right? God I hate this company
- Out of the four guys in the ring, you’d never guess Fake Ryder was the one with some gold
- I don’t mind the team of Magnus and Joe, but Joe and EY would have been amazing
- You know…these poor Jarrett kids, neither parent wants to look after them
Segment 8: EY segment, Devon segment
- Eric Young should talk for five minutes on every Impact
- Devon: STOP BRINGING YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN TO THE GOD DAMNED IMPACT ZONE
- I was watching an old TNA DVD about tag teams and I could have sworn I saw Devon’s kids in the crowd then too
- For a guy who said he’d take a bullet for his kids, Devon sure has put them in a lot of situations where they could get their asses kicked
- This has been the slowest burn and the worst payoff ever
- TNA needs to stop doing any kind of storylines that involve families, seriously any story
Segment 9: Jeff/Karen segment, Match 6: Traci Vs Maddy
- There was way too much time spent on the DD on the back of Traci’s jersey thing
- Labia count: 1
- So Traci kicks out of Madison’s finisher, but loses to a kick to the head…wow
Segment 10: Jeff/Karen/Sting segment, Match 7: Jeff Vs Bully
- There no way that Sting watches the segments in this show week in and week out
- Ok this was funny, but its taking way too long
- Great…they’re both gone, whoop-de-doo
- Roode is so great on commentary, he almost makes Tenay bearable
- Nice to see a TNA main event end cleanly
- I wish The Selfish Generation was actually a stable led by Roode, Shiima would fit perfectly in there as could Gail Kim
TNHate Scale
Logic: 2 Russos out of 5
Wrestling: 4.5 Russos out of 5
Overall: 6.5 Russos out of 5
Show 2 (12/22)
Segment 1: Recrap, Bully/Roode segment
- Bully likes giving beatings…that’s not PG
- See TNA is so bad even Roode doesn’t want to be there anymore
- God those idiot Hardy marks in the corner are going to be annoying all night, I know it
- My God shut those fucking idiots up
- This is really anticlimactic when the promo right before Impact starts already tells you what the main event is for tonight
Segment 2: Match 1: Wild Card: RVD/Daniels Vs. AJ/Kaz
- This doesn’t seem random at all
- Carly looks very pretty during the episode of Impact, she looks way better than So Cal Val
- Daniels: “I beat him, you can beat him…maybe” Tremendous.
- I could have made a much more interesting set of teams with the same 16 people in this tournament
- It seems like there is a rip in the canvas of the mat that is really painfully noticeable
- Wow, Daniels actually fell into a cameraman…
- That kick to the head should really have constituted a tag, especially if that other thing counted as a tag
- Now the main event has been changed to a street fight…good lord
Segment 3: Shiima/Niese segment, Match 2: Shiima Vs. Niese, Madison segment
- THE HAIRSPRAY HAS RETURNED!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS CAUSE FOR CAPS LOCK!!!!!!!!!!
- No one cares about Tony Niese
- This is a phenomenal match, anyone who doesn’t normally watch Impact needs to watch this
- Madison is in charge of the Knockouts, oh man this could be fun
Segment 4: Pope segment, EY/ODB “business meeting”
- Oh great Devon’s kids are called “double Trouble” now
- EY is absolutely hilarious
Segment 5: Match 3: Tara Vs Brookemacher
- Labia count: 1
- Tazz and Tenay and all of TNA need to decide exactly if the announcers can or cannot see the segments from the back
- Oh jokes about the Knockouts “hefty” salary will never get old
Segment 6: Match cont., Sting/Jeff segment
- This isn’t much of a match…
- However, the boringness of this match has caused me to realize this was from a different set of tapings again
- Why are they Tebowing?
- Wow TNA, you couldn’t fix the audio so you don’t hear earlier commentary in the background of this interview??
Segment 7: EY Segment, Storm segment, Moore segment
- Every man should ask EY what to get their lady for Christmas
- Kurt needs his tiny cowboy hat back
- Shannon Moore is going to do what he does best…I’m assuming this is job out
Segment 8: Roode/Bully segment, Match 4: Wild Card MeX-Pac and Moore Vs ODBEY
- When exactly did ODB turn face?
- I wish they had made this match slightly more obvious
- Labia count: 1
- See this doesn’t make sense Moore is getting angry that Anarchia did what he is supposed to do in this match
- Thank God MeX-Pac lost this one
Segment 9: Red/Blue segment, Angle segment, Match 5: Bully/Roode Vs Sting/Jeff
- Crimson really can’t brag about being undefeated when he has lost before in a tag team match
- Kurt totally needs some spurs in this segment
- Of all the times to play some of Mickie James’ country songs, this would be it and have it make sense
- Kurt just superkicked people who sat there to take it…I hope one of them was named Stan
- Oh fuck we’re back to the annoying ass crowd now
- This split screen is too confusing
Segment 10: Match cont.
- This is the most one-sided segment of a street fight I’ve ever seen
- Man Sting really failed on pulling that table away
- Thank God Jeff didn’t try a Swanton there, that would not have gone well
- I think Carly is as freaked out by the loud bitches as I am
TNHate Rating Logic: 3 out of 5 Russos
Wrestling: 2 out of 5 Russos
Overall: 5 out of 10 Russos