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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Double Impact Christmas Special

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy! And this week is very special boys and girls, since I had food poisoning last week, and didn’t want to watch anything that might make me vomit, I avoided TNA. So this week you will get two reviews! God give me strength…

Show 1 (12/15)

Segment 1: Recrap, Match 1: Overtime match

  • Wow, really starting off Impact with how you screwed over anyone who bought the PPV? Smart move
  • This is the second time the live crowd was pissed at the ending of a PPV and the second time Sting agreed with them, not a good sign at all
  • Oh good Carly is here, this episode is automatically better
  • So wait, this match is Sudden Death? Then why have a time limit? This doesn’t make any sense already
  • It really irritated me that during Final Resolution there was no scoreboard
  • Jesus, five minute time limit kicking in, this is retarded
  • Wow, AJ totally missed that springboard 450
  • Why even make a fucking time limit??? This is fucking idiotic!
  • Wow that was really anticlimactic, wtg TNA

Segment 2: Wild Card Match 1

  • Hernandez and Robbie T? Really??
  • Say what you will about WWE, but they actually have 3 established tag teams, TNA is breaking up any teams they have for this thing
  • Abyss and Steiner together, ugh this is awful
  • Wow, a super back body drop by Steiner
  • Earl is the worst referee ever
  • Interesting progression of this storyline with Abyss

Segment 3: Angle segment

  • So the new thing is “Cowboy Up”? That’s lame
  • Angle is just going to go in a redneck town and start beating people up? That’s awful

Segment 4: Match 3: Shiima Vs. Niese, Jarretts segment, Shiima segment

  • Ok so this is for a spot in a fourway that the other two spots, the guys don;t have to earn their way in? I’m begging TNA to make some sense
  • This is a really good match, but I don;t have to tell you guys this, its Shiima after all
  • I wish it was just these two fighting for number contendership considering Sorrensten and Kash’s feuds haven’t been exciting at all
  • I also wish Aries would do commentary for this series of matches
  • Shiima is being an awesome heel right now, this doesn’t bode well for his chances of winning
  • Hooray Shiima wins!!
  • I really hope Karen goes away, she has been really irritating, whereas Jeff has been the most entertaining he has in years
  • “Me, Myself, and Ion” now see THAT is a fucking catch phrase

Segment 5: Flair/Gunner bit, Match 4: Seriously isn’t Jesse Neal done yet?

  • I really hate Gunner
  • Haha, the Impact Fantasy Game is still a thing???
  • Worst looking DDT ever…srsly

Segment 6: Sting/Karen segment,Hardy segment, Joe segment

  • Hahahaha Karen is totally turning on her husband, that’s kinda hilarious
  • Oh I really hope this clears up the logic issue with Karen being a bitch to the Knockouts
  • If Jeff wins at Genesis, I really think I may stop watching Impact
  • Oh thank God, Bully is here for some actual entertainment
  • No Bully, we don’t want Jeff being creative, have you ever seen those stupid statues and heard his “moetry” I’d rather have food poisoning again
  • Honestly, I think I would really like to see a ladder match with Bully and Jeff for the championship
  • God I really hate Joe, its the same boring ass promo over and over again
  • Magnus is too good for this

Segment 7: Match 5: Wild Card Match Robbie E and Doug Williams Vs. Joe and Magnus, Jeff/Sting segment

  • I’d honestly rather see Joe with a guy like EY…that would be pure gold
  • When did TNA remember they had the members of the British Invasion?
  • Why couldn’t we have the British Invasion going against Red and Blue?
  • Technically this is a match of all heels right? God I hate this company
  • Out of the four guys in the ring, you’d never guess Fake Ryder was the one with some gold
  • I don’t mind the team of Magnus and Joe, but Joe and EY would have been amazing
  • You know…these poor Jarrett kids, neither parent wants to look after them

Segment 8: EY segment, Devon segment

  • Eric Young should talk for five minutes on every Impact
  • I was watching an old TNA DVD about tag teams and I could have sworn I saw Devon’s kids in the crowd then too
  • For a guy who said he’d take a bullet for his kids, Devon sure has put them in a lot of situations where they could get their asses kicked
  • This has been the slowest burn and the worst payoff ever
  • TNA needs to stop doing any kind of storylines that involve families, seriously any story

Segment 9: Jeff/Karen segment, Match 6: Traci Vs Maddy

  • There was way too much time spent on the DD on the back of Traci’s jersey thing
  • Labia count: 1
  • So Traci kicks out of Madison’s finisher, but loses to a kick to the head…wow

Segment 10: Jeff/Karen/Sting segment, Match 7: Jeff Vs Bully

  • There no way that Sting watches the segments in this show week in and week out
  • Ok this was funny, but its taking way too long
  • Great…they’re both gone, whoop-de-doo
  • Roode is so great on commentary, he almost makes Tenay bearable
  • Nice to see a TNA main event end cleanly
  • I wish The Selfish Generation was actually a stable led by Roode, Shiima would fit perfectly in there as could Gail Kim

TNHate Scale

Logic: 2 Russos out of 5

Wrestling: 4.5 Russos out of 5

Overall: 6.5 Russos out of 5

Show 2 (12/22)

Segment 1: Recrap, Bully/Roode segment

  • Bully likes giving beatings…that’s not PG
  • See TNA is so bad even Roode doesn’t want to be there anymore
  • God those idiot Hardy marks in the corner are going to be annoying all night, I know it
  • My God shut those fucking idiots up
  • This is really anticlimactic when the promo right before Impact starts already tells you what the main event is for tonight

Segment 2: Match 1: Wild Card: RVD/Daniels Vs. AJ/Kaz

  • This doesn’t seem random at all
  • Carly looks very pretty during the episode of Impact, she looks way better than So Cal Val
  • Daniels: “I beat him, you can beat him…maybe” Tremendous.
  • I could have made a much more interesting set of teams with the same 16 people in this tournament
  • It seems like there is a rip in the canvas of the mat that is really painfully noticeable
  • Wow, Daniels actually fell into a cameraman…
  • That kick to the head should really have constituted a tag, especially if that other thing counted as a tag
  • Now the main event has been changed to a street fight…good lord

Segment 3: Shiima/Niese segment, Match 2: Shiima Vs. Niese, Madison segment

  • No one cares about Tony Niese
  • This is a phenomenal match, anyone who doesn’t normally watch Impact needs to watch this
  • Madison is in charge of the Knockouts, oh man this could be fun

Segment 4: Pope segment, EY/ODB “business meeting”

  • Oh great Devon’s kids are called “double Trouble” now
  • EY is absolutely hilarious

Segment 5: Match 3: Tara Vs Brookemacher

  • Labia count: 1
  • Tazz and Tenay and all of TNA need to decide exactly if the announcers can or cannot see the segments from the back
  • Oh jokes about the Knockouts “hefty” salary will never get old

Segment 6: Match cont., Sting/Jeff segment

  • This isn’t much of a match…
  • However, the boringness of this match has caused me to realize this was from a different set of tapings again
  • Why are they Tebowing?
  • Wow TNA, you couldn’t fix the audio so you don’t hear earlier commentary in the background of this interview??

Segment 7: EY Segment, Storm segment, Moore segment

  • Every man should ask EY what to get their lady for Christmas
  • Kurt needs his tiny cowboy hat back
  • Shannon Moore is going to do what he does best…I’m assuming this is job out

Segment 8: Roode/Bully segment, Match 4: Wild Card MeX-Pac and Moore Vs ODBEY

  • When exactly did ODB turn face?
  • I wish they had made this match slightly more obvious
  • Labia count: 1
  • See this doesn’t make sense Moore is getting angry that Anarchia did what he is supposed to do in this match
  • Thank God MeX-Pac lost this one

Segment 9: Red/Blue segment, Angle segment, Match 5: Bully/Roode Vs Sting/Jeff

  • Crimson really can’t brag about being undefeated when he has lost before in a tag team match
  • Kurt totally needs some spurs in this segment
  • Of all the times to play some of Mickie James’ country songs, this would be it and have it make sense
  • Kurt just superkicked people who sat there to take it…I hope one of them was named Stan
  • Oh fuck we’re back to the annoying ass crowd now
  • This split screen is too confusing

Segment 10: Match cont.

  • This is the most one-sided segment of a street fight I’ve ever seen
  • Man Sting really failed on pulling that table away
  • Thank God Jeff didn’t try a Swanton there, that would not have gone well
  • I think Carly is as freaked out by the loud bitches as I am

TNHate Rating Logic: 3 out of 5 Russos

Wrestling: 2 out of 5 Russos

Overall: 5 out of 10 Russos