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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Four Assholes and a Wedding

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Garret arrives, Flair segment, Sting segment

  • I’m so rooting for the heels to destroy Garret…that’s not good storytelling
  • Gunner’s TNA tron logo is awful
  • Why is Sting in blackface?
  • Did EY just reference Moose??? The ugly chick from the Beautiful People years ago
  • Shouldn’t Dixie Carter be concerned that the authoritarian in TNA is making man on woman matches and saying he’s insane?

Segment 2: Match 1: Gail and Maddy Vs. ODBEY

  • Oh Gail….you should have gone back to eliminating yourself from battle royals
  • Eric was just asking for a Bronco Buster from ODB, that’s love folks
  • Labia count: 1
  • ODB just rammed Maddy’s head into her crotch repeatedly…
  • I haven’t seen Carly at Impact in a while, if she has given up on this product why should I keep watching?
  • Double airplane spin was nice
  • Labia count: 2
  • Winner via rape: Eric Young
  • Eric proposes to ODB and TNA decides that’s the perfect time to cut away…

Segment 3: EY proposing, Joseph Park segment, A Double segment

  • She’s gonna say BAM! isn’t she?
  • You know the only reason this angle works is because they are both over the top, and they look like their having fun
  • Joseph Park…wow Abyss, well at least he’s able to have new teeth
  • A Double and Shiima tonight? Works for me, and Aries really speaks too many truths

Segment 4: Match 2: Shiima Vs Aries, Joseph Park segment

  • Second title match of the night…interesting choice
  • Wow that Impact Zone is empty…TNA should never use that high camera angle again
  • I really hope they give this time
  • Wait…Victory Road is Sunday?? What the fuck do they have booked??
  • Well…so much for that, nice to see Shiima get the win though
  • This really just shows how amazing Abyss is that this character is a lot of fun

Segment 5: Bully Ray segmen

  • This is such a weird segment…
  • I like crazy Sting as GM, regardless of how little sense it makes
  • Bully is still one of the best things in TNA

Segment 6: Match 3: Bully vs. Bobby, Garret segment

  • Wow…Bully is the face here, this is weird
  • Bully Ray is the only wrestling character I’ve ever seen to carry his wallet to the ring
  • I really hope Bully becomes champion some time this year
  • Wow…another non-finish, too bad
  • WWBD? What does that stand for? We Want Beer Drinkers?
  • Ohhhh World Wide Beer Drinker….worldwide is one word

Segment 7: Joseph Park segment, Match 4: Jersey Bore vs. Red and Blue

  • I’m really digging this character
  • Oh God, this means Crimson is gonna be the heel isn’t he?
  • The build for this break up of Crimson and Morgan has gone on way too long
  • I’d much rather have Ronnie and Robbie win this match…they’re better characters
  • They need to stop saying “undefeated streak”

Segment 8: AJ segment

  • Wow, ten years…of mediocrity
  • I really wish all three of these people would go away
  • Oh great Anderson is back…again, for no reason

Segment 9: Garret and Jeff Vs. Angle and Gunner

  • So did Jeff paint his eyelids so when he passes out due to drugs people will still think he’s awake?
  • Wow this is a boring match for people who were saying they were going to take Garret out

Segment 10: Match cont.

  • Wow, what a disappointing end to this Impact…I wanted Garret to die

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 2.5 our of 5 Laganas

Wrestling: 3.5 out of 5 Laganas

Overall: 6 out of 10 Laganas