Mad Mike Reviews TNA: It Sure Is A Go-Home Show

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Storm segment, Gail/Maddie segment

• Ew, a contract signing…
• Impact Zone fans chanting “It’s your time” is retarded on multiple levels, 1) Storm has already held the championship…if anything it’s Bully’s time and 2) Lockdown isn’t for over a month
• Wow, two Knockouts matches? Sting is insane

Segment 2: Match 1: Maddie Vs. Velvet, Red and Blue segment

• I really do love Madison, she’s easily the best female on the roster
• And yes I’m not counting Eric Young as female despite the belt he holds
• One thing I heard someone say once, I hate when female wrestlers fix their outfits while wrestling…unless it’s like part of a taunt, it’s way less realistic
• I wonder how long it’s going to take for Velvet to get a finisher with the word “pigeon” in it
• Not often you see ladies pulling tights…I like it
• Can TNA make it any less obvious that Crimson is turning heel

Segment 3: Match 2: Crimson Vs. Joe

• I wonder if Christy gets paid by the close-up
• His undefeated streak is not impressive….CONSIDERING HE’S FUCKING LOST MATCHES!!!!!!!!
• Yeah that match….sure was a match

Segment 4: A Double segment

• This will be the best part of the show
• Oh….it’s a music video? Maybe this won’t be the best part
• Seriously though, where does Aries go from here?
• Maybe bring RVD into this division finally? That could be fun
• Ok, Shiima is here…this will be the best part of the show
• I liked “me, myself, and ion” better…but you don’t fuck with Shiima’s hair

Segment 5: Joseph Park segment, ODBEY segment, Angle segment

• ODB and EY banged in the ring…
• “There’s cameras everywhere” Eric Young is amazing
• I think Angle is drunk

Segment 6: Match 3: Mickie Vs. Gail, Anderson segment

• Oh my God….the labiest of all labia camera shots
• This is a pretty good match, even though Gail working the leg doesn’t make much sense
• You know how a friendship with AJ ends? In awful angles with no storylines

Segment 7: Match 4: Anderson Vs. Daniels

• Did anyone really miss Anderson?
• Anderson?
• Nice to see a four month layoff means nothing to a dude who has been wrestling every week

Segment 8: Hardy segment, Match 5: Kurt Vs. Garet

• Hardy doesn’t even listen, Angle listed reasons he hate Jeff, not reasons he isn’t the champion
• Also Jeff and Kurt should have their match at an AA meeting
• I don’t care how Garettt’s name is spelled, because it’s retarded any way
• You know for a “Five Minute Challenge” you’d think TNA would put a clock on screen…you’d think
• This wasn’t an open challenge Tenay…if it was, anyone could answer it
• Victory Road should just be called “The Road to Steel Cage Matches”
• Wow, he would have gotten beat in 5:03 as opposed to five minutes…what a push

Segment 9: Jersey Bore segment, Match 6: Gunner Vs. Storm, Roode segment

• Wow, now Robbie is stealing Zack’s gimmick about wanting more merch
• I’m gonna be honest…the amount of fucks I give about Gunner and Storm is less than zero so I’m going to fast forward through the match
• Oh look Storm won…shocking
• They’ve shown these Roode interviews way too much

Segment 10: Contract Signing

• I bet this ends in violence…
• Wow, they didn’t even show the entrances for this
• Roode is really good, but man is this feud tiresome
• I will give credit to Sting though for putting Roode over this much
• Sting ate a lot of paint chips when he was an adult

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 3 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 3.5 Laganas out of 5

Overall: 6.5 Laganas out of 10