Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!
Segment 1: Recrap, Storm segment, Gail/Maddie segment
- Ew, a contract signing…
- Impact Zone fans chanting “It’s your time” is retarded on multiple levels, 1) Storm has already held the championship…if anything it’s Bully’s time and 2) Lockdown isn’t for over a month
- Wow, two Knockouts matches? Sting is insane
Segment 2: Match 1: Maddie Vs. Velvet, Red and Blue segment
- I really do love Madison, she’s easily the best female on the roster
- And yes I’m not counting Eric Young as female despite the belt he holds
- One thing I heard someone say once, I hate when female wrestlers fix their outfits while wrestling…unless it’s like part of a taunt, it’s way less realistic
- I wonder how long it’s going to take for Velvet to get a finisher with the word “pigeon” in it
- Not often you see ladies pulling tights…I like it
- Can TNA make it any less obvious that Crimson is turning heel
Segment 3: Match 2: Crimson Vs. Joe
- I wonder if Christy gets paid by the close-up
- His undefeated streak is not impressive….CONSIDERING HE’S FUCKING LOST MATCHES!!!!!!!!
- Yeah that match….sure was a match
Segment 4: A Double segment
- This will be the best part of the show
- Oh….it’s a music video? Maybe this won’t be the best part
- Seriously though, where does Aries go from here?
- Maybe bring RVD into this division finally? That could be fun
- Ok, Shiima is here…this will be the best part of the show
- I liked “me, myself, and ion” better…but you don’t fuck with Shiima’s hair
Segment 5: Joseph Park segment, ODBEY segment, Angle segment
- ODB and EY banged in the ring…
- “There’s cameras everywhere” Eric Young is amazing
- I think Angle is drunk
Segment 6: Match 3: Mickie Vs. Gail, Anderson segment
- Oh my God….the labiest of all labia camera shots
- This is a pretty good match, even though Gail working the leg doesn’t make much sense
- You know how a friendship with AJ ends? In awful angles with no storylines
Segment 7: Match 4: Anderson Vs. Daniels
- Did anyone really miss Anderson?
- Anderson?
- Nice to see a four month layoff means nothing to a dude who has been wrestling every week
Segment 8: Hardy segment, Match 5: Kurt Vs. Garet
- Hardy doesn’t even listen, Angle listed reasons he hate Jeff, not reasons he isn’t the champion
- Also Jeff and Kurt should have their match at an AA meeting
- I don’t care how Garettt’s name is spelled, because it’s retarded any way
- You know for a “Five Minute Challenge” you’d think TNA would put a clock on screen…you’d think
- This wasn’t an open challenge Tenay…if it was, anyone could answer it
- Victory Road should just be called “The Road to Steel Cage Matches”
- Wow, he would have gotten beat in 5:03 as opposed to five minutes…what a push
Segment 9: Jersey Bore segment, Match 6: Gunner Vs. Storm, Roode segment
- Wow, now Robbie is stealing Zack’s gimmick about wanting more merch
- I’m gonna be honest…the amount of fucks I give about Gunner and Storm is less than zero so I’m going to fast forward through the match
- Oh look Storm won…shocking
- They’ve shown these Roode interviews way too much
Segment 10: Contract Signing
- I bet this ends in violence…
- Wow, they didn’t even show the entrances for this
- Roode is really good, but man is this feud tiresome
- I will give credit to Sting though for putting Roode over this much
- Sting ate a lot of paint chips when he was an adult
TNH8 Scale
Logic: 3 Laganas out of 5
Wrestling: 3.5 Laganas out of 5
Overall: 6.5 Laganas out of 10