Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy! Segment 1: Recrap, Sting segment
- The ppv is three days away and I feel like I have absolutely no idea what’s on it
- Yay close up on Carly!!!
- So Sting doesn’t like Dixie getting fisted…gotcha.
- Impact fans chanting “On your knees” wow….the only one I wanna see on their knees is Carly
- Hahahaha Why Is every single heel in TNA extremely fucking right!!!
- Jeff says Hardy is a drug addict that doesn’t deserve another chance and no one wants around
- Roode says Dixie can’t manage a wrestling company
- Bischoff says his son will never become a big star
- Haha Roode spit in Dixie’s face, he’s awesome
Segment 2: Roode/AJ segment, Match 1: Samoa Joe Vs. Abyss
- I love when Al Snow and D’Lo are in segments
- Wow a match with two people I could give less than a flying fuck about
- You know the main thing that makes TNA look so unprofessional, the cutaways from matches for commercial
- With WWE someone is either on the outside of the ring or something, and if anything significantly changes during the commercial its showed on a replay when they come back
Segment 3: Match 1 cont, Knockout segment
- Are they really not going to mention they got Abyss some whores last week?
- Poor Abyss still can’t get those teeth fixed
- These segments seem really short tonight
- Madison is very hot when she’s sucking up
- Watching Impact sucks when I can’t fast-forward through the commericals
- Hulk Hogan was on Impact tonight….in a Rent-A-Center commercial, and Aikman really is concerned about Hogan’s lap
Segment 4: Gunner segment, Pope/Reverend segment
- God I hate Gunnar
- I’m pretty sure this is the Impact race wars, Morgan and Crimson first took out Mexican America, now its Team Black Stereotype
- I thought it was 25 times D-Von?
- Honkey is soooooo offensive….what??
- Hmmm the Pope just wants money
- WHY THE FUCK DO THESE KIDS KEEP GETTING INVITED TO IMPACT?????
- I swear this has been the slowest build in the history of ever
Segment 5: Match 2: Maddy Vs. Mickie
- Labia count: 1
- Labia count: 3 Jesus Mickie needs a bit more material in those shorts…
- Nice to see Madison has her “for the troops” outfit too
- Labia count: 4
- Mickie has a weird outfit on for this match, its like she couldn’t decide which top so she wore both of them
- Oh man that DDT looked brutal
- Labia count: 5
Segment 6: Match 3: Garett Vs. Gunner
- Nice to see his wrestling gear is brought to you by Dockers
- It’s not really an upset if he’s beaten Gunner three times in a row
- That was the worst looking piledriver I’ve ever seen, that didn’t kill someone
Segment 7: Garett getting carted off, Storm segment, Knockouts segment
- Flair was grabbing Garett’s tits while he was strapped down
- It’s really sad that the longest match tonight so far has been Garett and Gunner
- TNA is missing a golden opportunity, James Storm doing a Head and Shoulders commercial with Troy
- I always love the “I’m gonna turn my back on you” bit
- I wish this one was the number one contender’s match
- Drink every time Karen makes a “lay on your back” or “get on your knees” joke
Segment 8: Devon’s own sons segment,Match 4: Traci Vs. Gail
- Devon…maybe stop bringing your kids to shows…just maybe
- Traci’s outfit has way too many zippers
- God they can’t even afford the graphic to say “Knockout” twice, and instead writes KO Champion
- Traci running is kinda hypnotic…
- Gail’s eye makeup running makes her look like that creepy girl from The Grudge
- Madison saves yet another segment
Segment 9: Card rundown, Main Event
- First time I’ve seen one of these in a long time
- I think most of these were actually already announced and kinda built up….wow
- Final Resolution doesn’t look like an awful show…yet somehow it probably will be
- I miss AJ’s old theme music
- This main event intro every week really takes up way too much time where they could be wrestling
- Then again, as I say that, the match unexpectantly starts….well played
Segment 10: Main event continued
- Wonder if this “leg injury” will even be mentioned on the PPV Sunday?
- TNA needs to frequently stop showing people how small the Impact Zone is
- Absolutely perfect ending to Impact with that chop block there by Roode
- This is honestly a pretty decent go-home show for Final Resolution
TNHate Scale
Logic: 3.5 Russos out of 5
Wrestling: 4 Russos out of 5
Overall: 7.5 Russos out of 10