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Mad Mike Reviews T………….Total Divas??

Another-Hot-Bikini-Photo-of-Eva-Marie-500x500I’m fairly positive TNA has made me into a masochist, because I’ve decided to not only watch this tripe…but review it, for you the Mayhem Audience. Well….here we go.

First Segment

  • Holy shit, this show is an hour?
  • “We are Broadway bodyslams.” – Nikki…….what the fuck does this even mean?
  • Ariane and Trinity?? What the balls is this?
  • Okay, this first episode starts 10 days before Mania…you know for reference
  • The Bellas train with each other in an empty ring, this explains so much
  • Wait…wait…a Funkadactyl is engaged to an Uso? This screams of a prehistoric stable.
  • Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart has a name tag of “Nattie’s Dad” wow.
  • Nattie is training someone who is flailing around so much, I can’t even see who it is
  • Cena teaching Nikki how to fish….I can’t even
  • Man, I kinda feel bad for Cena for having to reenact a scene from the Notebook
  • Brie and Bryan have an adorable dog
  • Cena got Nikki a fucking Range Rover….I am now no longer feeling bad for him
  • Sucks that Nattie missed the whole Hall of Fame because she was at Axxess
  • Why the hell did Nattie even think she was gonna be at Wrestlemania?

Second Segment

  • JoJo looks like a rejected Cosby kid
  • Eva Marie is very pretty
  • Poor Nattie is training the robots that will replace her
  • Hey Nattie…Summer Rae is blonde also, you might not know her because she’s on TV
  • HAHAHAHA Brodus told everyone they sucked, that’s hilarious….Tensai must just be shaking his head
  • Oh man Cameron’s meathead boyfriend wants to fight Brodus, hilarious

Third Segment

  • Ummm Nikki…..you are a FUCKING IDENTICAL TWIN…the reason that someone else looks like you is your whole gimmick
  • Also Eva Marie is fucking hotter than you
  • I would have liked to see the incident that Brodus yelled at Cameron for
  • I have just now decided to refuse to use the Funkadactyl’s real names
  • HAHAHAHA Eva Marie does kinda look like Mufasa

Fourth Segment

  • That red hair totally works
  • Eva Marie needs to stop the D’Lo head waggle though
  • I wonder if they just wanted a blonde with Fandango and it was supposed to be Eva Marie so she could be on TV the same time the show is on
  • The Bellas as “veterans” hurts my heart, especially watching Nattie
  • Hey Boobs Bella….Cena JUST HAD HIS DIVORCE FINALIZED…..slow your fucking roll, bitch

Fifth Segment

  • This is probably a reason why significant others aren’t allowed backstage often
  • “Up in my Kool-Aid” Is that racist?
  • Poor Cena looked so awkward for a guy who has usually kept his personal life so close to the vest
  • If Bryan brings up that he is too much of a chickenshit to marry Boobs Bella, that might be the only way I’d want this show implemented
  • Proof that the Bellas actually watch tape
  • I wonder if the seamstresses were told that the Mixed Tag might be cut

Sixth Segment

  • Ah so they were supposed to be the buffer after Taker and Punk….nice to see that
  • It’s weird to say this because I basically hate three out of these four women after this first show, but I wanted to see that Mixed Tag match

Seventh Segment

  • Wow it would have been these “veterans” first Wrestlemania match? What veterans…
  • So Layla is still continuing her comforting others gimmick
  • Coming soon on Total Divas: JUSTIN FUCKING GABRIEL!!!
  • The only thing that the coming soon told me is this is going to be an interesting show, I hope Tha Trademarc makes an appearance