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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Claire Looks Like The Lizard

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Aries segment

  • Why didn’t everyone wait for Aces and Assholes like they did last week on Impact at the PPV?
  • God why does this have to be ruined by Drug Hardy
  • Doesn’t anyone realize that calling out a faction that uses sneak attacks doesn’t work?
  • Why doesn’t everyone just stay at ringside the whole show, then Aces and Assholes won’t come out
  • God if the Bound for Glory Series ends with Bully Vs. Aries….I’d fucking love it
  • “Excuse me, Calfzilla?”
  • Oh look Bane is back in the Impact Zone

Segment 2: Magnus segment, Match 1: Magnus Vs. Joe, Maddy segment

  • It’s cute that Magnus thinks he can still win
  • At this point, people are mathematically eliminated from the BFG Series, so they should have a “spoiler” angle where someone in the bottom tries to screw a Top 4 guy
  • Wow…quick match, and so much for that whole “Joe always trying submissions” thing
  • Okay, I take that back…good explanation Taz
  • Yay Maddy!!! The Queen is back!
  • They should really record a commercial that doesn’t have Morgan in it

Segment 3: Maddy segment

  • Madison has been the anchor of the Knockouts Division for almost two years now
  • So wait, did TNA do this whole thing just so fans could chant something that sounded close to “You Screwed Bret”?
  • Oh no….oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, please don’t tell me Brooke is going to eventually wrestle
  • Wow, someone actually was waiting for Aces and Assholes to show up…this is good

Segment 4: Sting segment, Daniels/Kaz segment

  • What good is calling Aces and Assholes out again? Seriously…they’re in the arena, everyone go look around to find them…that place isn’t that big
  • “Claire looks like The Lizard” hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha that’s the best thing to come out of this story
  • AJ…just get the fucking paternity test anyway, or better yet…watch your own show and ask Claire why she was smoking

Segment 5: Match 2: AJ Vs. Daniels

  • How does an Interim Wrestling Commissioner have the ability to control who can get a paternity test?
  • Again…TNA doesn’t know how to space out their matches

Segment 6: Match cont, Sting segment, Hardy/Storm segment

  • Nice Koji Clutch there Daniels
  • I hope this is the feud ender match for this
  • Wow, that was a great finish
  • God what a waste of TV time
  • Waste of TV time x 2

Segment 7: Roode segment

  • Wow a whole segment to show that there’s no storyline for Roode….awesome

Segment 8: Gut Check segment, Match 3: Hooters Vs. Maddy

  • Can we have one Gut Check person without some horrific tragedy in their life? These people aren’t superheroes
  • Way to fuck up Christy
  • Brooke…you can’t use phenomenal to describe someone that isn’t AJ
  • Tiffany is a ref…hope she doesn’t beat up any of the guys
  • Tiffany is the smartest ref in the history of professional wrestling
  • Jesus…why must we revert immediately back to Hooters?

Segment 9: Bane segment, Match 4: Hardy Vs. Bully

  • You’ve been waiting for someone to call you out Aces and Assholes? THEY’VE BEEN DOING THAT FOR THREE WEEKS
  • Hey morons, if Storm was behind Aces and Assholes…why didn’t they make sure he won the Tables match?

Segment 10: Match cont

  • “Tap to my calves!” Can we please make Bully the next champ after Aries
  • Nice cursing on a live show there Nero
  • The leader of Aces and Assholes are definitely none of these guys
  • Yup and now Ace and Assholes attack Storm, sounds right

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 4.5 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 4 Laganas out of 5 (this is mainly for the AJ/Daniels match)

Overall: 8.5 Laganas out of 10