Ahoy Mayhemmers, I’m back after the Wrestlemania filled hiatus and I’m going to review two episodes of Impact…I’m watching them in a row, so apologies if I get a little cranky towards the end.
Segment 1: Recrap, Aces and Eights segment, Joey Ryan segment
- Jeff must be hungry since he wanted a Full Metal May-ham tonight
- A ten man tag??
- Seriously is it “Aces & Eights” or “THE Aces & Eights”
- Wow no one was chanting “You got fired”
- Why is Brooke assuming Joey just wants to bang her?
- Why do the Knockouts need a female ref? Isn’t that really sexist?
Segment 2: Match 1: Taryn/Velvet Vs. Gail/Tara
- Okay so this actual feud is just going to be overshadowed by Joey Ryan being a creeper now?
- Taryn’s short are really too tiny
- The labia count is already off the scale for this match
- He could at least pretend to count…I mean why wouldn’t he want to keep this job?
- “If he takes his shirt off, it’s on.” Sometime I love Taz
- This has actually been a pretty decent match
- Is Joey Ryan and Gail Kim going to be a thing?
- Ah…guess not, shame that might have been fun
Segment 3: Contract signing, Gut Check segment
- I love Team Super Heel
- I hate Chavo, just because you are a Guerrero doesn’t mean you are a champion
- TNA can’t even afford a contract signing table?
- Green M and M’s and winner’s purse….I love these guys
- You guys should really read out these added things…
- PLEASE DIE CHERNANDEZ. PLEASE DIE.
- Robert Roode made the Herbie Hancock joke! Love it!
- ADAM PEARCE. PREDICTION ACHEIVED.
Segment 4: Gut Check bit, Match 2: Pearce vs Magno
- Oh God subtitles. Zeb Colter wouldn’t stand for this shit.
- Magno. Sounds like a bad Pokemon
- WAIT THIS MOTHER FUCKER CAN SPEAK ENGLISH??
- SPEAK IT MOTHER FUCKER! DOES JEREMY BORASH LOOK LIKE A BITCH??
- Why can’t they just sign Adam Pearce? For serious.
- So let me guess…they end up signing Magno and he teams with one of the broken up Chernandez?
- So wait the Gut Check Challenge thing is a thing again?
- Jesus is Magno Spanish for botchy?
- Oh great, all the judges are faces…Pearce is fucked
Segment 5: AJ Segment, Sting package, Hogan segment
- So is AJ just a combo or Sting and DDP during the nWo era?
- A Warrior? Oh God…this will only end badly
Segment 6: Angle/Park segment, Hogan segment
- This is the first time they actually showed us who is in this ten man tag match
- I love Park’s enthusiasm
- AJ Styles eh? You mean the guy WHO CAN’T HAVE A WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP SHOT???
- Are you trying to tell me Hulkster that you don’t watch your own program?
- You need someone dangerous Hulk? Why don’t you go find Abyss?
- I. FUCKING. HATE. JAMES. STORM.
- Someone stole Bret Hart’s sunglasses didn’t they Jimbo?
Segment 7: Hogan segment, Match 3: Dutt Vs. Andrews Vs. Petey, Clubhouse segment
- THAT was Hogan sucking up to AJ?? He’s horrible at asskissing
- PETEY!
- So nice to see things haven’t changed and that a Petey match is only made good if he hits the Destroyer
- The Dudleys talking about tag teamming a woman reminds me of a really funny story after an indy show in Poughkepsie
Segment 8 and 9: Match 4: Ten Man Tag, Brooke segment
- Um. Tenay…it is kinda bullying
- Wow…the ref totally saw that low blow…awful
- If Aces and Eights were so powerful wouldn’t they go after other belts?
- Is Brooke going to quit?
- Can Brooke be dressed sluttier?
Segment 10: Brooke/Bully segment
- Jesus does she even own a bra?
- Hahahaha Bully is so great
- Wow, all this is about a ticket? That’s a little disappointing
- Well see that’s just spousal abuse Brooke
- Nice to see someone actually fight dirty during one of these fights
- Um…why are we cutting off?
TNH8 Scale
Wrestling: 3 out of 5 Laganas nothing overly spectacular, nothing overly wrong either
Logic: 4 out of 5 Laganas Everything seems to flow well still
Overall: 7 out of 10 Laganas
Segment 1: Recrap, Hardy segment, Match 1: Chernandez Vs. Team Super Heel
- This is a way too long recap
- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS OPENING?
- This is just playing like a mini-PPV so far
- Who the fuck is this flag waving idiot?
- DON’T SEND JESSE JAMES OVER THERE, THAT’ WHERE ACES AND EIGHTS ARE
- God I love Team Super Heel
- Hahahaha first fall before the commercial!
- Whoa….really? Both falls that fucking quick?
- I do love that Hernandez uses that ramp for the launch
Segment 2: Match cont, Brooke segment
- It was a bit of a cheat for the first two falls to be done that quickly
- How did the champs get control back? Tell us guys!
- I kinda wish Homicide comes back and causes Chavo to lose
- Fuck you Hernandez for ruining the Tower of Doom spot
- Ew. Fucking ew.
- Well I guess they didn’t want to do an Aces & Eights vs Team Super Heel because that might be interesting eh?
- I love Joey’s referee attire
- Can someone please explain to me why the Knockouts need their own ref?
Segment 3: Bully arriving, Joseph Park segment, Knockouts package
- Um…why doesn’t someone just destroy all their bikes?
- Justice? Is Joseph Park hiring The Shield?
- Oh God, please let Park be Brooke’s divorce lawyer
- Is this possibly the start of a TV Title feud? Possibly??
- The Hot Mess? Really?
Segment 4: Match 2: Gail Vs. Taryn
- Oh Jesus take the wheel…her TNAtron says “Hot Mess”
- ODB isn’t wearing her wedding ring
- TNA needs to change that star wipe thing for their lower third ads, it’s very distracting
- Dude in the front row needs to calm the fuck down
Segment 5: Gut Check bullshit, AJ package
- It’s not like winning or losing the match has actually mattered to you idiots
- You are asking if Adam Pearce can talk AGAINST A GUY WHO’S PROMO WAS IN SPANISH AND NEEDED SUBTITLES
- TNA is full of fucking idiots.
- Why would AJ go back to TNA where he can’t get a title shot and people threaten him?
Segment 6: AJ segment
- If AJ is sick of doing the right thing, he’ll go back with TNA cuz that’d be the wrong thing
- JAMES STORM WHY DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING LET AJ TALK
- TEAM APPLETINI!!!! I MISSED YOU!!!
- Randy Orton should take a page out of his carbon copy Kaz to be entertaining
- OMG please let AJ join Team Appletini. PLEASE. PLEASE.
- That’s not a decision Hogan…a decision would be firing him
Segment 7: Angle segment, Match 3: Joey vs. Rob Terry
- Ugh that Handicap match is going to suuuuuuuuck
- Why does he have the Terminator in his video?
- You know…Joey Ryan and Robbie E would make an amazing sleaze bag tag team
- The heel announcers shouldn’t be right as often as Taz is
Segment 8: Brooke segment, Gut Check bullshit, Motorcycle Club segment
- I hope the Atlas security guy is in Aces & Eights
- Morgan is also exactly right
- God why do these idiots have to be introduced every single time?
- Ha! He’s from Texas and they are chanting No!
- He better not speak in Spanish
- HE’S LISPING IN SSSSPANISSSSH
- That was your big speech? That was fucking awful.
- Magno better be out there because Pearce is joining Aces & Eights
- Pearce should run down the ramp and clothesline that idiot
- Garrettt looks so uncomfortable on the bike
Segment 9: Match 4: Hardy Vs. Bully
- Matches that start off with a finisher never end well…
- Whoa those ladders must be light
- That backdrop on the ramp looked sick
Segment 10: Match cont.
- TNA needs to figure out how to show how the match can completely change during the commercial
- That front suplex looked like it hurt a lot
- Bully doing the Hogan taunt is great
- Brooke you can’t reach over the guardrail and touch the talent
- OMG TNA how do you fuck this up so bad. How’d that table break immediately?
- This is a long way to go to reset a spot
- Jesus, Bully just laid down
- Nice Swanton, been a while since I’ve seen one
- The totally real hammer!
- Fantastic finish, total heel move
- To be fair, he could have just as easily used anything to hit Jeff
- Taz: Boink! Best announcement he’s made all year
TNH8 Scale
Wrestling: 4 Laganas out of 5 Two really good matches and two kinda clunkers
Logic: 3.5 Laganas out of 5 They really need to make this AJ story make sense soon
Overall: 7.5 Laganas out of 10