Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!
Segment 1: Recrap, Angle segment, Roode/Aries segment
- I think Angle is drunk, and those are actually parking tickets not cue cards
- If I made a list of reasons I hate Jeff Hardy when I was drunk, it would sound very similar to this list
- How does Kurt not notice this things about his children before he tucks them in
- Good heels are heels that believe what they are saying is true, even if no one else does
- Bad heels are ones the actually are right and point out shitty storytelling
- Oh please for the love of God team up Roode and Aries, that’d be awesome
Segment 2: Match 1: Gauntlet match AJ Vs. Daniels and Kaz
- Something tells me we still aren’t going to find out why this feud exists
- Wow as soon as the match starts go to commercial, that’s wise
Segment 3: Match cont., Maddy/Gail segment
- Although this is a good match, I don’t give a shit about it because no one actually knows what this feud is about, that’s not mysterious it’s just shitty storytelling
- Jesus fuck, what an awful finish
- Kaz purposefully doesn’t want to tell us why he has beef with AJ, he should drink with Angle more, then he’d have a list
- Maddy is awesome, Gail is still a shitty actress
Segment 4: Match 2: Maddy Vs. ODB, Heels Unite segment
- So seeing that this month’s theme is March Madness, what is next month’s string of TNA’s softcore porn ads going to feature? Jesus?
- It’s nice to see that TNA hired one WWE reject that demands work, that’s Mike Knox’s beard on EY ya know?
- I think ODB just screamed “stanky beeyotch” after the bronco buster….EY may want to get tested
- Ha Gail is pretending she botched, that’s fun
- Wow, heels actually talking sense about a corrupt face in charge? What show is this?
Segment 5: Velvet segment, Garret segment
- Velvet is also talking sense…but to the wrong person, why doesn’t she just talk to Sting?
- What the fuck is Mickie wearing?
- Flair first said he was God, now he says he is water…he needs to make up his mind
- “New level” and “next step” are phrases that should just be barred from TNA forever
Segment 6: Heels Unite in ring segment
- This segment is amazing, I wish TNA was more like this…these three guys and Eric Young are the best things they have going
- A Double should be a World Champion in TNA in 2012 if I had my way
- Come to that, so should Bully
- See…this was a great segment, and then Sting showed up…
- So “Joe’s Gonna Kill You” is his whole name now?
Segment 7: Soresnsten segment, Shiima segment, Match 3: Shiima Vs. Shannon
- I’m not going to make any smartass comments here, I just hope Jesse gets well soon and can return to the ring one day if he wishes
- Wow, normally I don’t approve of someone taking advantage of something serious like this, but if and when Jesse comes back….him and Shiima will be a barnburning feud
- Taz clearly hasn’t heard any promos from the early 90s of a guy named Taz, to be saying the things he is saying
- Wow, I’m just really looking, the Impact zone is EMPTY this week
- Does Shiima’s hair spray have pictures of Knockouts on it?? That’s hilarious
Segment 8: Match 4: Sarita and Angelina Vs. Velvet and Mickie, Faces unite segment
- Impact Fans Matter at house shows, I’ll give them that…but not on any of the televised product
- Can we please stop doing the full body pans of Christy?
- Mickie did the nWo point a little too early there
- How the hell does this match remind Tenay of some bullshit feud with Madonna and the Girls Gone Wild guy?
- Ok so TNA is desperate to get some more TMZ exposure it seems
- Speaking of exposure…. labia count: 1
- Labia count: 2
- Velvet just hit a stunner??
- Velvet blew that kiss for me, just sayin
- I heard this on another show, and I think it’s hilarious that with all the Direct Auto Insurance plugs we hear during the night, they don’t own www.directautoinsurance.com
- So Magnus and Joe are officially faces now? Interesting.
Segment 9: Abyss segment, Match 5: Heels Vs. Faces
- Wait….Abyss’ family? Did they contact Father James Mitchell??
- I think Abyss got kidnapped by the same ninjas that got Joe…I hope one of them is a Ninja Dentist
- It is really great to see Aries in this main event
- Taz doesn’t pay attention to his own show, Aries got in the main event because they threatened to walk out
Segment 10: Match cont.
- The most hilarious thing about this whole show is the one dude in the front row who has help a limp “this is awesome” sign for the whole night
- The announcers forget a lot of time that Joe used to be in the X-Division
- This is a good match, but it screams at the lack of depth in the tag division
- I still can’t believe this company is going to go two months without a world title match
- Holy shit…..a clean finish.
- A clean finish.
- A CLEAN FINISH.
- A clean finish?
- Well played TNA, totally didn’t see that coming
Logic: 3.5 Laganas out of 5
Wrestling: 4.5 Laganas out of 5
Overall: 8 Laganas out of 10