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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Needs More Shelley

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Jeff’s drug rage, Match 1: Velvet Vs. Tara Vs. Mickie

  • Clearly someone sold Jeff some bad drugs, he’s attacking Bully
  • Awkward rose petal placement in this segment
  • Roode couldn’t open the door to his car
  • I wish this wasn’t going to be four way and we were actually going to get Storm Vs Roode one-on-one
  • That being said I wonder when the last time TNA mainevented a PPV with homegrown talent only, AJ Vs Abyss?
  • To be fair Jeff was the one who started the fight
  • They really should announce this is a number one contender’s match

Segment 2: Match cont

  • The TNA commercials show the least amount of merch I’ve ever seen
  • Labia count: 1
  • Nice finish to the match, but I really don’t wanna see Tara get a title shot

Segment 3: Sting segment, Shelley segment

  • Why would you just show the whole fight that just happened?
  • It really takes a lot of sting (no pun intended) out of these main event announcement segments, because its announced right after Jail ends, lessens the impact a lot (pun intended)
  • God this segment is awful
  • Shelley Vs Shiima is going to be a great match

Segment 4: EY Segment, Match 2: Shiima Vs Shelley

  • Haha Eric was wearing a cup, love that gimmick
  • This match should be the highlight of the show
  • Shiima does Taker’s slit throat gesture with his hair spray, fantastic
  • I wish I could buy TNA PPVs by the match, because I’d buy ten copies of Shelley vs Aries at AAO
  • “Cut the cameras!!!” Shiima you are a god
  • Great match, wish they had 5 more minutes but what can you do?
  • God that light makes Tara looks old as fuck

Segment 5: Bischoff gym segment, Match 3: Worst Lesbians Vs. ODBEY

  • I’m going to take time out during this segment I don’t care about to say that Carly looks nice in the front row today, but sadly she isn’t going to England…I don’t think
  • Wow at least that was fucking short, hint: it’s totally Hogan…and no one will care
  • I forgot to point out earlier that Winter said her and Angelina were easy…just throwing that out there

Segment 6: Match cont

  • Winter looks like she got a tan recently
  • I think I’ve finally figured this out….EY is just being the dude from Hangover, we need to get him some roofies and a baby STAT
  • Wow ODB fucked up the Bronco buster…that’s awful
  • Wow such a boring match, from such entertaining people

Segment 7: Match 4: Joe Vs Morgan

  • Magnus really is the indy wrestler version of Hugh Jackman
  • That new Morgan shirt is awful
  • Morgan really is the third most boring wrestler on this roster, his tag partner is second, and first is Garret
  • Wow Joe jobbed to a clothesline??

Segment 8: Jeff/Storm segment, AJ segment

  • These two look like the toughest bums living under a bridge ever
  • I’d hate to see how AJ treats his dogs
  • This whole angle is just stupid
  • God, this is the worst…there’s no way this will ever pay off
  • I think Daniels borrowed some of Winter’s rape medication to control Kaz

Segment 9: Match 5: Main Event tables match

  • This split screen shit is fine for TNA but do they need the retarded flames thing?
  • This is just a continuation of the same boring four man fight with their gear on

Segment 10: Match cont

  • That was a cool boot through the table spot
  • All in all that wasn’t a bad match
  • Well my DVR ended but I’m assuming the heels put a face through a table

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 4 Russos out of 5

Wrestling: 3 Russos out of 5

Overall: 7 Russos out of 10