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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Open S*** Night…this is not a pun

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Open Fight Night Segment, Match 1: Devon vs. Bully

  • So anyone can challenge anyone? Why isn’t everybody challenging Roode?
  • “Beautiful Gail” so Hogan forgets her name
  • “Greatest tag team in the world” Hogan forgets their names too
  • “Samoan” Joe…YUP.
  • Wow, the tag team champions? Really? TNA has two tag teams, and Joe and Magnus have beaten both of them…God I hate TNA
  • Didn’t Magnus and Joe already beat ODBEY?
  • Oh my God this intro is awful
  • Devon was talking about the one person everyone hated, I thought he meant Garrettttt
  • Devon Vs Bully is actually a cool way to start this off, knowing TNA it won’t have a clean finish though

Segment 2: Match cont., Aries segment, Flair segment

  • This match may have been better if there was actually some heat, and Devon forgot about Bully for like a year
  • Wow, a clean win for Devon? That’s shocking…it really is
  • Aries should have a good match tonight hopefully
  • TNA is already not bleeping Bischoff, God I hate you TNA
  • Flair has been partying for 63 years, and hasn’t been sleeping since he was 20, so either Flair is 83 years old, or partied straight out of the womb
  • I’m not sure which is right
  • Isn’t the point of an “open” Fight Night is for the fighters to make the challenge and not get booked?
  • What if all four of those tag team challenge the champs? It should be a five-way match

Segment 3: Angle segment, Borash segment

  • That was a nice reaction from Angle when usually TNA doesn’t do things like that
  • So wait a minute….any employee can call out any other employee? Fuck that I wanna see two dudes from catering beat the shit out each other
  • Eric *BLEEP* there Borash
  • Nice to see those idiots with facepaint in the front row, way to advertise you are at a theme park
  • Ha! At least they blurred his name on the TNAtron
  • Ooh hot new girl in the front row…this has promise
  • “Kick it off” Eric, this show has been going on for over a half hour now you idiot
  • Well this was entirely pointless, isn’t Bischoff like a black belt?

Segment 4: Anderson segment, Match 2: Mexican America Vs Angle, Gut Check segment

  • Wow, we don’t really need to bring politics into this
  • Ummm you guys it’s an open fight night, just fucking challenge the tag champs
  • Oh good let’s squash Mexican America more
  • If this is what Open Fight Night is going to be like every month, then it’s going to suck
  • God I hate you MeX-Pac
  • Alex Silva…wow can you look more generic?
  • Al Snow, Senior Direction of Talent Relations is just because of Johnny Ace

Segment 5: Gut Check match: Silva Vs Robbie

  • If they really want to make this interesting, the guys looking to get a contract should they win, they should take the contract of the guy they wrestle
  • Especially since there are already too many people on the roster as it is
  • If Al is the lead judge…who are the other judges, and why aren’t they ringside?
  • The crowd is chanting Woo Woo Woo, awesome
  • If you can’t beat Robbie, you shouldn’t be on the roster
  • Silva didn’t do anything spectacular to garner any interest to be on the roster, so naturally he’ll probably get a contract

Segment 6: Dixie segment, Hogan segment, Hooters segment/match with “Beautiful Gail”

  • Someone should challenge Dixie to a fight, she’d have to accept
  • “Start the segment” wow…that’s awful
  • Anderson and Jeff AREN’T A FUCKING TAG TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • They are already champions aren’t they??”
  • One night in ODB” Wow.
  • I’m refusing to use this chick’s name anymore and just going to start calling her Hooters
  • Pair of ASSets? Do you have two asses?
  • “Why not challenge the champion?” is the best quote of the night BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD BE DOING
  • I’d rather see Taz. Vs Earl Hebner
  • Ok new hot girl hasn’t reacted once to a single match, I think the line for butterbeer was too long so she just snuck inside
  • Ok look Hooters won, yawn

Segment 7: Kaz/Daniels segment, RVD segment, Gut Check segment

  • Ugh, don’t talk about The Force Kaz
  • I don’t care about number one contenders packages in TNA anymore, there’s no conclusion
  • Who the fuck are these other judges?
  • So Gut Check is a two week process? That’s horrible
  • For an Open Fight Night there is a distinct lack of fighting tonight

Segment 8: Garretttttttt segment, Joseph Park segment, Match 5: Tag Title Match

  • Um isn’t Eric not fired he just can’t use his last name?
  • Ok I’m extremely bored with this now
  • So Hogan’s idea of a great tag team match is eliminating the three actual tag teams?
  • So if backstage is crazier than what’s in the ring, why aren’t we watching that?
  • Don’t say “crash TV” Taz

Segment 9: Match cont.

  • Seriously, when did Hardy and Anderson ever say they were a tag team?? Someone tell me this!!!
  • God that was just awful and pointless
  • Seriously, are Magnus and Joe faces or heels?
  • Why are these guys feuding with AJ and attacking the tag champs?

Segment 10: Bleepoff Segment

  • Nice to see on Open Fight Night, the main event is not a fight
  • “Google me” wow Ric, welcome to 2001
  • Pretty sure Dixie, Sting, and Jarrett have impacted TNA more than Bischoff
  • Haha well played Taz for calling Bischoff out on not matching denims
  • “This sucks” chant, very applicable
  • This is incredibly hard to watch
  • Well, that’s a shitty ending…literally

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 0 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 1.5 Lagans out of 5

Overall: 1.5 Laganas out of 5