Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Shaq-Fu?

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

THIS IS THE ULTIMATUM: IF JEFF HARDY WINS THE TITLE AT BFG, I WILL STOP REVIEWING TNA UNLESS THE PRODUCT IS SUDDENLY AMAZING.

Segment 1: Recrap, Angle and AJ Segment, Match 1: Angle/AJ Vs. Chavo/Hernandez

• Someone please challenge Shaq to a fight
• I want to point out…I could have gone to this show, I was in Florida…and refused
• Carly is in the Impact Zone! Fuck I should have gone!
• TNA needs to stop showing long entrances or shorten people’s entrances
• I’m excited for Impact that they are going to be live the rest of the year, it’s honestly a good thing for them
• Chavo will never escape Eddie’s shadow

Segment 2: Match cont, Al Snow segment

• Taz doesn’t know what puns are
• Why do I have a feeling Team Appletini is gonna cause a no contest?
• The worst angle ever would be for Chavo to blame Eddie for costing him matches, because he points up high every time he tries a frog splash
• Well whatdayaknow? A no contest! Yawn.
• Watch out it’s wifflebat Hogan!
• Um…..you guys, wasn’t Hogan wearing red and yellow just like five minutes ago?
• Did we really need to hear about Al’s haircut?
• Ugh more Gut Check bullshit

Segment 3: Hogan segment, Gut Check bullshit

• Why the hell does it take someone an hour to get through security?
• There should be an age limit for Gut Check

Segment 4: Dixie segment, Gut Check match

• Holy fucking bad audio sync!
• I already wanna punch this kid in the dick
• Wrestlefan looks older than this kid
• I’m begging one of these Gut Check people to actually win a match for once
• Hi Douglas Williams! Can you please go join William Regal or Drew McIntyre in WWE please?

Segment 5: Storm segment

• Nice CM Punk shirt right in the hard camera view
• Remember when Storm was good at the beginning of the year? Yeah…that’s done now
• Remember when Bobby Roode wasn’t so stale and bland? Yeah…
• Are they really wasting an entire segment on this?? Really?
• I’d rather see Three Minute Warning than this

Segment 6: Match 3: Roode Vs Storm, Hogan segment

• This is fucking awful
• Storm is such a chickenshit, he waited til Roode’s arms were behind his back
• That’s just fucking retarded, I’m pretty sure those hipster shoes aren’t gonna hurt anyone
• You stay classy Impact zone
• I love/hate when Taz tries to point out the idiocies of TNA
• So this is just “use Open Fights Night to book the PPV” night? Awesome. Not.
• Second no contest of the night….
• How did Aces and Assholes get the cell number of Hogan? And why doesn’t he just have someone trace the number?

Segment 7: Aries segment, Tara segment, Match 3: Tara Vs. Christy

• Jeez…this is just the Punk thing again, ugh
• I wonder if Aries has actually seen where Jeff lives…..it’s a fucking trailer
• “She’s a workin girl” wow…stay classy Orlando
• Does anyone care about Tara? Is she just the last one left who can’t go back to WWE?
• So wait…why didn’t Hogan threaten Christy to go fight?

Segment 8: Brooke segment, Hogan segment

• Brooke doesn’t know big words like “repercussions” or “ramifications”
• Hogan…..YOU KNOW THEY DON’T KEEP THEIR WORD!
• If Joseph Park was on his way into the arena, how did Aces and Assholes get to him?
• Who is playing the stupid music under Aces and Asshole’s feed?
• Wow…that was just bad

Segment 9: Jeff package, Aries segment, Match 4: Aries Vs. Bully

• I don’t care about Jeff Hardy
• I hope Aries doesn’t try to do as many drugs as Jeff does
• Bully and Aries are trying to shine this turd of a show

Segment 10: Match cont

• Unless they make it a three-way, the saddest thing is now it seems TNA has no plans for Bully for BFG
• These Open Fight Nights used to have some of the best wrestling, this has definitely not been the case tonight
• Nice to see Bully get a win, maybe this will go to a three-way after all

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 1 out of 5 Laganas

Wrestling: 1.5 Laganas out of 5

(Bully Vs. Aries: 3.5 our of 5 Laganas)

Overall (with inflation for one good match): 3.5 Laganas out of 10

STILL ON NOTICE….AND TRENDING DOWNWARD