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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Sting is Bringing the MEH back

TNA_Impact_Wrestling_0001Unlike most weeks when TNA does their second show, I actually glanced at the spoilers beforehand for this episode….and I have to say, you people probably aren’t going to like what’s in store. But we shall see how spoilers compare with viewing….on with the show!

Segment 1: Recrap, Hogan segment, Team Appletini segment

  • Turns out on the Minute last week I totally forgot about Rampage…yup still not relevant
  • Hey recrap guy, the BFG Series hasn’t started if they only had qualifiers last week
  • “At the end of the day” Count: 1
  • “At the end of the day” Count: 2
  • SuperMEX Hogan…SuperMEX
  • So former Bound For Glory Series winners get a free pass? That’s fucking horrible.
  • I thought he said that people wouldn’t be given things anymore, that everything would have to be earned?
  • Thank God for Roode
  • God, why the fuck is Open Fight Night back? And how do fans “call or tweet or whatever they have to do” constitute as an “open fight?”
  • Bully, you should know by now, no one in TNA gives anything any thought
  • “At the end of the day” Count: 3
  • An Aces and Eights Battle Royal? Hello Velocity main event time!
  • “I’m Bound for Glory” makes it sound like the TNA PPV is called Glory
  • I don’t know why Daniels is on a piano, but I want there to always be a piano now

Segment 2: Match 1: BFG Qualifier Team Appletini Vs. ATF, Crimson segment

  • Team Appletini work so well together, but I hope that the BFG doesn’t tear them apart
  • Crimson? Oh no one told me it’s fuck this shit o’clock

Segment 3: Velvet segment, Crimson segment, Match 2: BFG Qualifier Crimson vs. Joseph Park, Mickie segment

  • Velvet you really shouldn’t hold things with your middle finger extended to the camera
  • Crimson got lost in a VFW didn’t he?
  • Crimson….no one fucking remembers who you are, and that little promo told us every reason why
  • Crimson may just have defeated Randy Orton in the worst sleeves of tats contest
  • Joseph got the Double U!!!!
  • Oh Mickie…

Segment 4: Push Up Bra segment, Morgan segment

  • Wow Velvet….
  • It’s a BFF bracelet isn’t it?
  • Why would Velvet ask for he rematch before she was cleared?
  • Ah so this is the real heel turn
  • Wow between Mickie stretching the straps on her top and the upskirt shot, may as well have had a Brazzers logo at the bottom of the segment
  • Morgan’s beard take up more of the screen than he does

Segment 5: Match 3: BFG Qualifier Four Way: Morgan Vs. King Vs. Magnus Vs. Robbie T

  • It’s so sad that three out of four of these guys won’t be in
  • Christ we are back to always calling him Blueprint Matt Morgan….it’s like Rocker Tommy Lee, is it really necessary?
  • For a guy calling himself the Blueprint, he sure wears a lot of gold now
  • My kingdom for a Magnus/King feud
  • Magnus winning does make me really happy, it also means we won’t see Morgan for another 3 months probably

Segment 6: EY Segment!, Rampage package, Sting segment

  • EY!! OHAI!!
  • “I’m Eric Young and I’m an awesome pro wrestler.”
  • Yes. This is so very yes. Which means of course TNA will fuck this up.
  • Why is Rampage here if he isn’t going to wrestle?
  • Why is Sting here? I don’t care.
  • Why would anyone help you Sting? When do you come out for the save on anyone? Didn’t you learn anything from Anderson?
  • Sting are you talking about going heel again….because I can’t….
  • The Main Event Mafia….oy vey
  • Keep in mind folks, the MEM consisted of Kurt Angle (caught up with Rampage), Sting, Kevin Nash (OMG WTF Though he was dead), Booker T (Smackdown GM), Scott Steiner (Currently has a Three Stages of Hell match with Cena lolz), Samoa Joe (In the BFG Series), Traci Brooks (useless), Sharmell (last seen at HOF), Jenna Morasca (Who?), Taz (Yes…the same guy making fun of the group right now), Sally Boy and Big Rocco (Don’t remember them? Good. Don’t try to.)
  • If this is how Jeff Jarrett is brought back into the fold….well just fuck me sideways

Segment 7: EY Segment, Match 4: EY! w/ ODB! Vs. Aries, Clubhouse segment

  • OMG I want to see the episode with ODB and EY on a date in an ice bar
  • I don’t even know how to dissect Taz’s statement about melting the ice bar, especially being a scientist
  • These two can wrestle each week and I’d be cool with that
  • ODBEY is the cutest thing ever
  • Oh God…it’s gonna be Aces Vs. Eights eventually isn’t it?

Segment 8: Sabin segment, Match 5: Aces and Eights Battle Royal, Rampage/Angle segment

  • They should probably mention when this “Destination X” Impact is gonna be, that should probably be something you promote
  • Hogan should have been making them fight every week
  • Haha, okay, this is pretty hilarious
  • Fingerpoke of Doom!
  • Wow, Luke Gallows isn’t in the BFG Series…interesting
  • Wow…this completely negates the entire segment from last week, that’s just awful

Segment 9: Clubhouse segment, Match 6: AJ Vs. Angle

  • Nice to see they’re actually doing something with DOC maybe
  • So before this match, let’s run down the BFG Series guys
  • Bradley (jobber), Joe (probably 3rd place), Team Super Heel (will probably split up), Team Appletini (will probably split up), Magnus (should win but has no chance), Hardy (please fuck no), Joseph Park (interesting dark horse), Hernandez (Jesus no), Anderson (oye)
  • I hate that AJ’s top says “No One” there’s no subtlety anymore to this gimmick

Segment 10: Match cont.

  • That announce table looks like shit
  • So Cal Val’s ass sighting.
  • Is Babalou a real person in Bellator?
  • Jesus…couldn’t just give AJ a clean win could you?
  • This will probably lead to AJ beating Bully for the title right?
  • Wow, Rampage looks so awkward in there

TNH8 Scale

Wrestling: 3.5 Laganas out of 5, solid matches but some stupidity in there too

Logic: 4.5 Laganas out of 5, Minimal Hogan on the show means the storyline progressed pretty well actually

Overall: 8 Laganas out of 10