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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Team ATF?

Greetings Mayhemmers, sorry this review is coming so late…almost wasn’t going to do this week, but I heard this episode was so bad it needs to be scorned. We shall see.

Segment 1: Recrap, Hogan segment, Suicide promo

  • What I would kill for a month without Hogan/Sting opening the show
  • Did Hogan just spoil that Shark Boy is here???
  • Thank God they aren’t ducking out of the only thing that makes this belt interesting
  • Wow, Sting totally can’t speak…this is bad
  • Oh Lord Brooke….just leave, please just leave
  • Brooke you are half right, but there is a Hogan responsible for the whole company going up in smoke
  • Brooke, you haven’t done shit for the Knockouts
  • That isn’t the first time someone has told Hogan to get his hands off his daughter

Segment 2: Match 1: Ryan Vs. Petey Vs. Suicide, Sabin segment

  • Poor Shiima…and fuck TNA for not paying for his surgery
  • Also….they are selling an Aces and Eights vest, I guess anyone can get patched in now
  • Didn’t they already announce weeks ago that Suicide was in the X-Division match?
  • I think I’d rather just hear Kenny King and Taz on commentary all night
  • James Storm is fucking drunk….there is no “trading in the X-Division title” thing anymore

Segment 3: Bully segment, Velvet segment, Aces and Eights segment, Match 2: Magnus Vs. Wes

  • Brooke is the worst actress ever
  • Oh wait, there’s Velvet…
  • Mickie is basically saying “I’m going to destroy your knee…just saying”
  • Sam Shaw? You mean the guy who was a natural heel now coming out in board shorts and smiling? Ugh.
  • No one knows what this tournament is about…
  • Wow….Jobbers and Eights running scared of Magnus, that’s awful

Segment 4: Match cont,

  • Wait….a TNA exercise app? What the fresh hell is this??
  • What the fuck kind of tattoo does Wes have on his lower back?
  • Samoa Joe comes back in a god awful shirt and the crowd goes mild

Segment 5: Slammiversary promo, Clubhouse segment, Kurt Takes Manhattan, Match 3: Kurt vs. Anderson

  • Wow, they must really be having troubles selling out Boston
  • I swear to fuck, if Hogan is the second Hall of Fame inductee, I’m gonna stab everyone
  • Bully doesn’t want to talk about his personal life….uh oh
  • I should have gone to Grand Central and begged Kurt to go back up north and feud with Punk

Segment 6: AJ Segment, Match cont.

  • AJ just showed up on his Batpod
  • This “rivalry” is the worst fucking thing ever
  • When did we see Kurt actually mentor or train Wes and Garrrrrectk
  • “Girl pants” is a thing that was used as an insult…so that happened
  • Angle only has himself to blame for this loss, AJ was just watching the match

Segment 7: Gail segment, Tag Title package, Storm segment

  • Taryn and Gail should be some sort of stipulation match, like a cage or something
  • Hogan rewarded Storm for fucking up a number one contender’s match…this is everything wrong with TNA
  • Oh God, why is Churro on commentary?
  • Actually Jim Bob, most women hate a good tag team…
  • Churro’s commentary consists of “Cliche, cliche, cliche, bring it.”
  • Hmmm, the Dumps, the Lumps, and the Humps….trying to figure out which one is which
  • Oh Kaz with the “offended” remark
  • Triple H should take notes, business should always be three separate words
  • Shark Boy is all the fucking wins.
  • Churro, you do realize you lost the tag team titles once to each of Team Mega Heel and Team Appletini, that’s not exactly easy
  • Gunner? Oh fuck no. Fuck, fuck no.
  • They should at least be called Team ATF

Segment 8: Joseph segment, Slammiversary rundown, Match 4: Mickie Vs Velvet

  • Sting….you can’t start doing the Cactus/Mankind thing until it’s actually revealed on TV you fucking idiot
  • Gail Vs. Taryn is a Last Knockout Standing match? That’s fucking awesome
  • That being said, they only have five matches booked so far…
  • Yeah Mickie definitely has the “aggressive heel” look so far

Segment 9: Match cont, AJ segment, Clubhouse segment

  • Jesus Velvet, that’s the worst selling ever
  • So Cal Val looks so upset
  • Nice to see Mickie get the reigns again, hope she can help bring the KO division back a bit
  • Looks like someone’s Quicktime player froze a bit on that AJ promo
  • Poor D’Lo

Segment 10: AJ segment

  • Wow, peer pressure to drink…that’s kinda awful
  • You know, for AJ being such an important member, his vest doesn’t have a nametag on it
  • Okay, so if AJ really isn’t joining Aces and Eights….then he and Kurt have basically no reason to fight now right?

TNH8 Scale

Wrestling: 3 Laganas out of 5, nothing memorable despite some decently long matches

Logic: 3.5 Laganas out of 5, Mickie winning makes sense, but they still have np direction with Abyss or AJ, and Gunner is the worst choice ever

Overall: 7.5 Laganas out of 10