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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Too Many Lawyers, Not Enough Otungas

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Dixie segment

  • Wow…TNA is literally giving the finish of their PPV away for free on TV, guess they know how few people watched it
  • Roode looks like Jimmy Garvin with his hair all crazy like that
  • Man, Dixie cannot act at all
  • I wonder if Dixie contacted @DavidOtunga
  • You guys, this is another set of TV tapings without Carly in the front row…I’m worried about her, if she actually developed taste and stopped watching this, I may not have a shot
  • Really? A commercial break during an interview segment?? I thought we were done with this brand of shit.

Segment 2: Dixie segment…still, Bully segment, Match 1: Fatal Four Way X-Division match

  • So Sting is taking a break…oh boy.
  • Hey Sting, is this someone who can take TNA to the top, the same person that was supposed to do that almost 3 years ago?
  • Emo Sting kid has now become Emo Steve Borden kid, and I still want to punch him
  • You know who I’d love to see as GM of Impact if not just for one month? Eric Young. How fucking great would that be?
  • Whoa Fatal Four way X Divison match tonight? Yes plz.
  • Bully is awesome
  • Wow, Shiima got an entrance! I apporve.

Segment 3: Match 1 cont., Mexican America segment

  • This match better not have already started after commercial
  • This is going to be awesome.
  • You know where’d be a great way to go with the X-Division? Rob Van Dam.
  • RVD Vs. Aries in a cage? I’d buy that for a dollar
  • God damn do I love a good Tower of Doom spot
  • Oh God dammit. I mean I love Bully, but this is pointless…
  • If you told me that Devon would have a singles title before Bully Ray did, I’d have said you had some of Jeff’s meth…
  • Oh no…MeX-Pac is back, and they’re plugging some bullshit show
  • Wow…that was awful

Segment 4: Match 2: Knockouts Tag Title match

  • I honestly still didn’t know that anyone in Mexican America besides Sarita were still employed
  • Rosita looks like a Jersey Shore version of Trish
  • So is every match of theirs going to be a glorified handicap match?
  • April 12th is the wedding…I may host a Google hangout for this

Segment 5: Crimson segment

  • Nobody wants to see Crimson
  • TNA needs to stop showing Direct Auto Insurance
  • Wow what a waste of a segment

Segment 6: Chris Park segment, Roode/Storm build segment, Storm segment, Angle segment

  • In a cage, where ropes don’t matter…wow
  • You know the last guy to see Abyss was Bully Ray, you’d think this Chris Park guy would start there
  • He could also talk to TNA offices to see where they’ve been sending the checks
  • Wow I miss Team Canada
  • Wow they just showed a few people who have come and gone like Truth and Booker
  • BTW the back of Storm’s new shirt says “99 Problems but a beer ain’t one”
  • Yes, really.
  • I really wonder who is going to be in Lethal Lockdown this year, if they’re even going to have it
  • Storm, football is longer than 18 weeks, 18 weeks is just the regular season, there’s also preseason and playoffs
  • Hey Storm if it was so wrong for Roode to touch Dixie, why didn’t you save her at the PPV?
  • Is that Palmer Cannon?
  • English Palmer Cannon kinda sucks
  • So Roode isn’t going to be on Impact until Lockdown? That may be a welcome break
  • Garrett did not win, he just survived
  • Wait a minute, Garrrettt lasted five minutes, so Kurt’s punishment is to make him last a shorter time?

Segment 7: Match 3: Three Minute Challenge

  • At least this is two minutes less of Garetttt
  • Garrettt has already lasted a minute just by talking…
  • You know what’s amazing, Garretttt is killing time on the clock an dbeing called smart, Roode does the same thing and is called a coward
  • The eternal question of how long does it take for a run-in in TNA has been answered: under 3 minutes
  • I really wish they had a version of 3 Minute Warning in TNA

Segment 8: MMG promo, Match 4: TNA Tag Title Match

  • Oh thank Christ the Machine Guns are coming back
  • I think Mexican America was hired back to literally bide time until Sabin and Shelley come back
  • Wow, Repo Man shout out from Taz
  • Can someone please destroy MeX-Pac please?
  • If Joe and Magnus win this week, they have beaten the entire tag division
  • Ugh no one knows what Repo Wars is

Segment 9: Repo Wars bullshit, Match 5: Handicap match

  • “No money, no honey” Sarita and Rosita are now honorary Bella twins
  • Oh no…this Daniels/AJ thing is gonna be the Lethal Lockdown team captains isn’t it?
  • Team Bully with Kaz and Daniels, and maybe like Aries Vs. Team Stinger, AJ, Anderson, and RVD…oh God…
  • Actually, on paper that’s not bad…which is probably why it won’t happen
  • Wow, Daniels and Kaz look like crap

Segment 10: Sting/Dixie/Hogan bullcrap

  • Did Dixie just get music from the beginning of the show until now, or did they just forget earlier?
  • You know the easiest way to do this: draw up a contract where Dixie can strip Hogan of his powers as GM at ANY time…I bet even @DavidOtunga could draw those papers up
  • Wow going off the air with no decision…way to go

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 3 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 3.5 Laganas out of 5

Overall: 6.5 Laganas out of 10