Mad Mike Reviews Total Divas: Funk Is On A Hoe

Here we are with another episode of Total Divas, based on the previews we get drunk Bellas falling, so this should be fantastic.

Segment 1

• Nikki…my sister did competitive sports too, she’s not a fucking idiot like you are
• The Bellas twin language sounds like drunk murmuring
• This is a new intro and I don’t mind it
• Why did you get a dog, if you wouldn’t be able to watch it?
• Bryan laughing is amazing
• Naomi just did a rolling senton…looks like Jon Uso is jobbing again
• SARA DEL RAY!!!!
• Sara does not give a fuck about these women
• Jojo actually looks pretty good in the ring
• Hugh Morrus knows Eva can’t wrestle…she also can’t dance…she also can’t talk as seen on Raw
• What can Eva do?
• It’s not like everyone backstage doesn’t know that Naomi and Jon Uso are engaged
• Also Trish was engaged and married for years, she never wore her ring on camera…THAT’S THE FUCKING GIMMICK
• Nikki just said she took it in the ass from Cena didn’t she?
• Nikki is one of those chicks who calls out her own name during sex isn’t she?
• Moving to Phoenix for a dog is kinda fucking stupid
• This isn’t “all Bryan” since he wanted to move back to Washington

Segment 2

• Nikki you probably shouldn’t lie to the people you are trying to work with in the future
• These “producers” are fucking horrible actors
• JoJo’s boyfriend looks like the brother from the movie “She’s The Man” He looks like the one that isn’t Channing Tatum
• 
• Eleven months Jojo, congrats you officially have maybe the third or fourth longest relationship on the show
• The Bellas do some weird fucking stretches
• JoJo’s boyfriend…what the fuck is up with your high socks?

Segment 3

• This show needs 100% less Hugh Morrus and 1,000,000% more Sara Del Ray
• At least this show hasn’t had any Cameron yet
• I don’t think I’d mind seeing Sara Vs Naomi
• Jon Uso is kinda a dick…no wonder his dad ran over Austin
• Cure for camel toe = a pad, food for thought
• Boobs also cause camel toe for Nikki
• Nikki used the words “lifes” god she’s the worst

Segment 4

• Sara Del Ray in a RAW shirt makes me smile
• Nattie is basically saying “JoJo fuck a wrestler, it’s totes easier”
• Nattie is gonna be there for JoJo because it’s the only way she gets more TV time
• “My toes are disgusting” – John Cena
• Cena rubbing his nipple needs to be a gif
• I love how Cena avoided saying the word fiance
• John Cena is the voice of reason this week, thank God
• I can finally tell the Usos apart…one of them is really fucking insecure
• NAOMI…PUT SOME FUCKING SHOES ON WHEN CLEANING UP GLASS YOU IDIOT

Segment 5

• Bryan and Cena’s beef with each other on this show seems more genuine than their one on Raw
• Nikki really wants to show off her tits
• Oh fuck it’s Cameron
• UTI, Tonsilitis, and a yeast infection….Cameron within a minute I hate you even more
• The match the Bellas and the Usos Vs Tons of Funk makes no sense storyline wise

Segment 6

• Also in traditional mixed tag rules, guys and girls are forced to tag out so….yeah she shouldn’t be worried
• I wonder why we never saw this match
• OHHHH IT WAS ON SUPERSTARS, THAT’S WHY!!!
• Nikki being a proper heel makes Jojo and Eva mark out
• Jojo and Eva are such fucking marks
• Thank God Jon Uso knew to flip over….

Segment 7

• I don’t think we are getting drunk Bellas falling down…
• NO FUCKING FALLING BELLAS
• So Naomi was with someone for 5 years….she’s 25 now, and her and Jon Uso are talking about marriage
• How fucking long have they been together?