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Mad Mike Reviews Total Divas: Funk Is On A Hoe

Here we are with another episode of Total Divas, based on the previews we get drunk Bellas falling, so this should be fantastic.

Segment 1

  • Nikki…my sister did competitive sports too, she’s not a fucking idiot like you are
  • The Bellas twin language sounds like drunk murmuring
  • This is a new intro and I don’t mind it
  • Why did you get a dog, if you wouldn’t be able to watch it?
  • Bryan laughing is amazing
  • Naomi just did a rolling senton…looks like Jon Uso is jobbing again
  • SARA DEL RAY!!!!
  • Sara does not give a fuck about these women
  • Jojo actually looks pretty good in the ring
  • Hugh Morrus knows Eva can’t wrestle…she also can’t dance…she also can’t talk as seen on Raw
  • What can Eva do?
  • It’s not like everyone backstage doesn’t know that Naomi and Jon Uso are engaged
  • Also Trish was engaged and married for years, she never wore her ring on camera…THAT’S THE FUCKING GIMMICK
  • Nikki just said she took it in the ass from Cena didn’t she?
  • Nikki is one of those chicks who calls out her own name during sex isn’t she?
  • Moving to Phoenix for a dog is kinda fucking stupid
  • This isn’t “all Bryan” since he wanted to move back to Washington

Segment 2

  • Nikki you probably shouldn’t lie to the people you are trying to work with in the future
  • These “producers” are fucking horrible actors
  • JoJo’s boyfriend looks like the brother from the movie “She’s The Man” He looks like the one that isn’t Channing Tatum
  • Eleven months Jojo, congrats you officially have maybe the third or fourth longest relationship on the show
  • The Bellas do some weird fucking stretches
  • JoJo’s boyfriend…what the fuck is up with your high socks?

Segment 3

  • This show needs 100% less Hugh Morrus and 1,000,000% more Sara Del Ray
  • At least this show hasn’t had any Cameron yet
  • I don’t think I’d mind seeing Sara Vs Naomi
  • Jon Uso is kinda a dick…no wonder his dad ran over Austin
  • Cure for camel toe = a pad, food for thought
  • Boobs also cause camel toe for Nikki
  • Nikki used the words “lifes” god she’s the worst

Segment 4

  • Sara Del Ray in a RAW shirt makes me smile
  • Nattie is basically saying “JoJo fuck a wrestler, it’s totes easier”
  • Nattie is gonna be there for JoJo because it’s the only way she gets more TV time
  • “My toes are disgusting” – John Cena
  • Cena rubbing his nipple needs to be a gif
  • I love how Cena avoided saying the word fiance
  • John Cena is the voice of reason this week, thank God
  • I can finally tell the Usos apart…one of them is really fucking insecure

Segment 5

  • Bryan and Cena’s beef with each other on this show seems more genuine than their one on Raw
  • Nikki really wants to show off her tits
  • Oh fuck it’s Cameron
  • UTI, Tonsilitis, and a yeast infection….Cameron within a minute I hate you even more
  • The match the Bellas and the Usos Vs Tons of Funk makes no sense storyline wise

Segment 6

  • Also in traditional mixed tag rules, guys and girls are forced to tag out so….yeah she shouldn’t be worried
  • I wonder why we never saw this match
  • Nikki being a proper heel makes Jojo and Eva mark out
  • Jojo and Eva are such fucking marks
  • Thank God Jon Uso knew to flip over….

Segment 7

  • I don’t think we are getting drunk Bellas falling down…
  • So Naomi was with someone for 5 years….she’s 25 now, and her and Jon Uso are talking about marriage
  • How fucking long have they been together?