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Mad Mike Reviews Total Divas: Let the A’s Breathe

imagesGod help me, I’ve been suckered in….don’t know how long this will last, but here we go!

Segment 1

  • JoJo literally has no personality
  • Eva Marie is very cute but clearly has never seen wrestling before
  • Oh…this is the “house swap” episode…got it
  • Nattie was about to call him “Johnny” that’s cute
  • Given where we are now, I have a feeling Eva Marie can’t dance
  • ROAD DOGG!!!!!!
  • Sure Nikki….being bitches are your “characters” right?
  • Hey Eva Marie…that should probably be in your resume if it’s true
  • Wow…JoJo playing wingwoman is better than Eva Marie shamelessly flirting
  • Of course she can’t dance! Lord this is fucking stupid

Segment 2

  • Brie saying she just got a shot of her sister’s beav is a little awkward
  • Eva Marie is kinda awful, and clearly knows nothing about wrestling
  • Cena just fucked up by saying he thought Eva Marie attracted attention to herself
  • Eva Marie’s boyfriend looks like a shaved cock
  • Also Eva Marie….kind of a whore
  • Wait……fucking what?
  • JoJo is probably the only realistic person on this show besides Cena and Bryan
  • Cameron…I hate you, stop trying for catchphrases….fetch isn’t going to happen
  • “Hi! We’re the Bella Twins! And welcome to WWE Cribs!!!”
  • Cena’s closet has a ladder….a fucking ladder
  • Brie seems like she is actually a decent person, Nikki seems awful…like the worst person
  • I hope Cena and Bryan were watching like old ROH tapes or playing shuffleboard or something
  • Eva is a prick, the fuck that we know this doesn’t work at all is hilarious

Segment 3

  • Bryan dog paddling needs to be an animated gif NOW
  • Cameron….that looks like EVERY OTHER FUCKING OUTFIT YOU’VE WORN
  • Hey Eva, they said it was all about chemistry AFTER YOU SAID YOU COULD BALLROOM DANCE
  • “What do I have to do to get this part?” *cue porn music*
  • Poor Johnny Curtis is getting played
  • Maybe instead of trying to fuck Fandango, Eva should have taken some dance classes

Segment 4

  • One piece of wood for three from the guys is actually pretty fair
  • I love Bryan and Cena in the front of a car driving, it looks so hilariously awkward
  • Jon Uso is not impressed by Cameron’s voicemails 4/10
  • The Bellas strategy: tits.
  • Bryan slowly taking off his shirt is yet another gif
  • The zoom on Cena’s package is a tad unnecessary
  • Why is Cena dressed for the ring in bed with Nikki? Are they going to have a lingerie pillow fight?
  • Kinda weird to see a Bella have a legitmate concern and not just bitchy banter

Segment 5

  • I love to watch the setup for Raw
  • I love how the Funkadactyl’s are legit dancers and know shit is wrong

Segment 6

  • I hope JoJo has told them all she can’t dance
  • God she is awful
  • The guy WWE rep was doing the Vince tugging at his ear motion
  • Cameron you don’t have tits…I mean cmon
  • Oh shit…it’s Steph, shit’s gonna get fucked up
  • P.S. yes I realize this is all fake bullshit, but I mean….we get suckered into Taker’s schtick

Segment 7

  • So she doesn’t get fired for lying to all of her employers…that’s always good for a person less than a month on the job
  • Hopefully this forces Eva Marie to really get in the gym and train….JK now she’s gonna try and fuck Cena