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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Taz and Anderson Don’t Know Math

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Aces and Assholes segment

  • What the fuck is this shit?
  • Who in TNA jerks off to Sons of Anarchy this much, they wanted to bring it to the show?
  • Hey Sting did you also tell the camera crew to take a lot of really close up shots and have music playing?
  • Jesus they couldn’t even put together a video package?
  • Who the hell had nunchucks???
  • No one knows who that is….
  • Hi there fake blood
  • That was such a waste of damn time
  • Why didn’t they look to see who the other idiot was?

Segment 2: Match 1: Hooters Vs. Tara, Sting segment

  • Really? Hooters is gonna talk? God she is awful.
  • Okay this match is actually a pretty great idea
  • Referees should not get theme music
  • Something tells me Hogan isn’t going to be in the IMPACT Zone tonight
  • Wow a pinfall without a finisher? Jeez.
  • Ahhh….that explains why Pope is out
  • Robbie E should win this match just to mess with people

Segment 3: Match 2: Robbie E Vs. Robbie V Vs. Robbie AJ

  • They should already be trying to put over, that Robbie E could play a spoiler for both the other guys
  • This match is really pretty basic

Segment 4: Match cont.

  • Oh my God! A logically booked match!!!
  • Go Robbie E!
  • However….he probably should have covered AJ instead of RVD, since AJ was the one hit with the splash

Segment 5: Match 3: Hardy Vs. Robbie T,  Appletini segment

  • I thought on Open Fight Night everyone in the BFG Tournament had to call out someone else in the tournament?
  • Yawn Hardy wins….shocker
  • I kinda just want to see Daniels and Kaz commenting on segments during the show all night

Segment 6: Sting segment, Maury Povich segment, Gut Check bullshit, Sting segment…again

  • Sting….stop calling out Aces and Assholes
  • Is AJ apologizing for all the awful segments right now?
  • Did Kaz just infer that Bully’s dad left him? Technically it’s true…Big Daddy Dudley was a manwhore
  • Claire Lynch isn’t here tonight because she is an awful actress
  • Everyone booing someone in the hospital…awesome
  • Why didn’t Claire hire Joseph Park? That’d be awesomesauce
  • This lawyer isn’t much better of an actress than Claire
  • AJ has a great “You are NOT the father!” face
  • Thank God this is over!
  • God this guy is awful…so of course he’s going to get a contract
  • Hey you want to know how to help your family? Get a real job and not one that pays per appearance
  • Why does Sting want “Hollywood” Hogan back when he spent months trying to bring back “Red and Yellow” Hogan

Segment 7: Alex Silva segment, Gut Check match

  • Silva hasn’t had a damn match since he won Gut Check
  • Oh Jesus…you guys are forcing me to watch Gunner?
  • Holy crap…talk about a Gut Check, look at this guy’s fucking gut
  • My God these Gut Check people get worse and worse every month, with the exception of Joey Ryan

Segment 8: ODB Segment, Match 5: Anderson Vs. Bully

  • Okay…they need to stop with this “fried chicken” thing
  • Okay….Anderson has 40 points, so to even try and win, he needs 10, right?
  • Wow….the silence in the Impact Zone is deafening
  • Again with the short cuts of matches…..STOP DOING INTROS!!!!

Segment 9: Match cont., Aces and Assholes segment

  • See this match is pointless, because Anderson needs 50 to even get to the Top 4, and then needs the other 4 guys to not score again
  • This is my basic problem with the BFG Series
  • Anderson hasn’t tried for a submission hold once, either he doesn’t know math or he doesn’t care
  • Pretty sure this is the third match that had a superplex spot
  • “A clutch player got a clutch home run”? Really Taz…no wonder you’re a Mets fan, if you think 7 points in his last match, eliminating him from the tournament is good
  • Okay so Taz definitely doesn’t know math.
  • And thank you Bane…

Segment 10: Aces and Assholes segment

  • Again…why would a group who has done nothing but sneak attacks come down to a ring full of wrestlers?
  • Why isn’t fucking Hogan out there?
  • Nice cursing there Anderson
  • Maybe we’d recognize some people if they had their masks pulled off
  • Man Hogan didn’t even wanna come out for the crowd…poor Impact Zone fans
  • I really hate how many members of Aces and Assholes there are here…the roster is bloated as it is
  • Oh man, this better not strip another TNA World Champion of the belt….AGAIN
  • And Bully Ray is in charge of Aces and Assholes
  • So the winner of the Bound For Glory Series might be crowned the champ then?

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 3 Laganas out of 5

Wrestling: 3 Laganas out of 5

Overall: 6 Laganas out of 10