Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!
Segment 1: Recrap, Eric segment
- I think this new “We don’t care” chant encompasses every in-ring TNA segment
- “The most devastating talent this history has ever seen.” Yup…that’s a thing
- Eric’s speech paraphrased: “I found the four heels we couldn’t fit on the rest of Lockdown that weren’t Robbie T or women”
- Nice that they repeatedly pan to the dude in the Big Show shirt
- I always agree with everything Bully Ray says
- Did they just bleep “punk kid?”
- Garretttt’s speech paraphrased: “I found the guys feuding with your team and a random stoner I found trying to snort Butterbeer”
Segment 2: Match 1: Anderson Vs. Gunner
- Anderson is looking a bit pudgy
- Wow, what an awful finish
- At least they’ve finally stopped referring to Gunner as Immortal’s Gunner
Segment 3: Eric in his tux, MCMG segment
- I’ve finally realized who Joseph Park reminds me of: the fat bully from Boy Meets World who had Vader as his dad, Frankie
- As Sabin said “Tell ’em Alex” I said “WELL….” out loud and Shelley sai”d Road Warrior reference, nice” we’re both awesome
- Curry Man and Shark Boy reference FTW!!!
- This match has the potential to steal the show, so naturally it’ll be first on the PPV
- Scratch that, there’s a TV Title match isn’t there?
- Jesus, can we please kick MeX-Pac off TV? And tell him to stop ruining Armando Estrada’s gimmick
- Poor fucking Hernandez
- I wonder how many Impacts in a year don’t have an advertised main even until half way through the show per year, I’d say it’s at least over 35
Segment 4: Match 2: Daniels Vs. Aries
- I’m starting to think that brunette in the front row might be Carly with an awful decision in hair styles
- This match is awesome
- So Aries and Kaz are probably going to do the stupid top of the cage spot no?
- That was terrific, not a thing wrong with that match…why can’t this company do this more often?
Segment 5: Hardy segment, Eric segment
- I’m not sure if anything seems more indyriffic than a cage building segment
- So are Sarita and Rosita the new Bella skanks?
- Oh shit, there’s a $5 cover for the wedding AND a 50/50 raffle?? Someone tell Doc Remedy and Mayhem Missie about these ideas
Segment 6: Wedding of the Century, where nothing can possibly go wrong
- EY’s TNAtron is awesome
- I’m wearing EY’s tux to my next formal function
- EY looks like a homeless Elvis Costello
- I appreciate that ODB isn’t coming out to her music
- Never mind…
- Is it weird that ODB looks kinda hot?
- Technically I don’t think you can act as witnesses for your own wedding, but I’m arguing semantics here
- I really hope this becomes their new TNAtron as a team
- I think ODB is what happens when Becky “The Icebox” O’Shea grew up
- I’d love to know if EY is just shooting from the hip and trying to make her crack up
- “Buffet of BAM” worst sexual innuendo ever
- Rosita has an outie….that’s weird
- Again, they wear less in the ring…I don’t get this
- Holy tits.
- Al Wilson is rolling in his grave right now, and Dawn Marie is crying gimmick infringement
- Didn’t Lagana write that segment? Just sayin’
- “That’s so sexy” chant is amazing
- Wow what an awful cutaway from such a great segment, way to ruin this TNA
Segment 7: Roode segment, Match 3: AJ Vs. Bully
- Ew, there’s a redneck dude who took his shirt off in the Impact crowd
- I never understood the “man advantage” thing if you can’t win until everyone is in there anyway
- Good the heels won, as they should
- “Figured it out” it wasn’t that difficult there, brother
- Three minutes? Rosey is joining the team?
Segment 8: Three minutes segment, Roode/Storm package
- Ha, the crowd has a better idea than the booking team
- RVD needs weed money
- Jesus that beer bottle thing was only four months ago? It feels like ten years
- Unbleeped “bullshit” is probably why they bleeped “punk kid”
Segment 9: Lockdown card breakdown, Match 4: Velvet and Mickie Vs Maddy and Gail
- The reason this Impact is so good is because Morgan and Crimson haven’t been on
- Taz is getting so pissed
- So we let the pigeons loose, by putting them in a cage? I’m confused
Segment 10: Lockdown Showdown
- This better be a feud ender, because I’m honestly tired of this
- Wow Roode, don’t brag about beating Gunner
- Man I really wish this was more interesting…
- Where Storm comes from family still means something…dating partners
- In a team called Beer Money, Storm is really surprised that Roode did something for the money?
- Man that was uneventful
Logic: 4.5 Laganas out of 5
Wrestling: 5 Laganas out of 5
Overall: 9.5 Laganas out of 10
Awesome go-home show, if I wasn’t working I might even buy the PPV.