Since I know all you Mayhem fans are thankful that I will be back on the show this upcoming week, I have decided to give you all a holiday treat. I am going to review Impact!
First off, as with the past Thanksgiving Impact, I expect something at least as ridiculous as a wrestler being forced to dress in a turkey suit. So here we go!
- Nice to see I actually get to watch the finish from last week’s show
Segment 1: Thanksgiving party
- Eric Young resigned a contract for this?
- I think he meets Executive Producer of ReAction: Dixie Carter
Segment 2: Morgan talking
- Ok so Morgan said the ref won’t screw him over, means the ref will exactly screw him over no?
- Immortal, Matt…no “s”
- Morgan looks so uncomfortable talking by himself
- Douglas Williams’ jokes are like a Jay Leno monologue
- Matt you have one decision to make, not a lot of them
- Oh yeah…the other Thanksgiving Impact tradition, they have a Survivor Series match
- A Doug E. Doug reference in 2010?
- Should they have a huge meal before they wrestle?
Segment 3: Thanksgiving segment
- Smirnoff Ice is clearly the classiest in party drinks
- The airport is pretty far away from the Impact Zone
Segment 4: Match1: Rhino Vs. Tommy Dreamer
- A match less than a half hour in? Wow…what show is this?
- Dreamer has very white legs
- This looks like a match I did with my wrestling figures when I was younger
- Good hardcore match by these two so far actually
- Wow, that was way too short though
- I wish we could have a week without Dreamer giving a “heartfelt speech”
- God I hate RVD’s music
Segment 5: Morgan/Joe; TBP/Ric
- This segment will only prove that TNA only has four faces
- I want the Velvet Sky figure
- I can’t hear anything in this segment
- How did Taz even know that was Sarita?
- Sweet Jesus…what the fuck?
Segment 6: Thanksgiving
- That belt is an abortion
- Jeff Hardy should release a book of poetry so I can steal it, and burn it
Segment 7: Guns and GenMe
- The lack of proper lighting pisses me off already
- Why are they still in their gear?
- I feel bad for these guys busting their asses for no live reaction
- The serious tone by the announcers is God awful
- Why would we believe that GenMe would win in a match when they lost in a “fight”
- Okay…a TLC match in December? Jesus.
Segment 8: Pope/Morgan
- Yup, there are only four faces you guys
- Morgan the odds aren’t much better with four people against the rest of Immortal
Segment 9: Match 2: Maddy Vs. Sarita
- An hour in and we have our second match…that’s more like it TNA
- Madison is hilarious
- TNA never announces matches unless you listen to the announcers, they just randomly said we have a fall count anywhere match later
- This does kinda seem like a Diva’s match…
- Why did someone other than the number one contender have a match with the Knockout’s Champion?
- That animated turkey freaks me the fuck out
Segment 10: Thanksgiving/DVD
- Wow the teaser is we’re going to watch a DVD…makes me want to turn this off and actually watch a DVD
- If Ric Flair is the fountain of youth…I hope I grow old
- Oh sweet Jesus, this is awful
- I hate Jeff Jarrett
Segment 11: Match 3: Jesse Neal Vs. Jeff Jarrett Submission/MMA match
- Ok the graphic said MMA match, everyone else says Submission…who needs consistency?
- Hey Impact Zone…Jarrett has never sold out anything in his life
- Wow Taz ruined his own gimmick by not being able to spell Yugi Gatame
- Oh good…a ref bump…hooray
- Oh even better…a guitar
- The idiot with the DILLIGAF sign clearly doesn’t know what it means
Segment 12: Brother Ray’s surprise
- Please tell me his holiday surprise is that he is leaving wrestling forever
- Damn…it’s not
- Oh good another video package…
- Of course you aren’t hard to find Bubba, you’re huge
Segment 13: Thanksgiving
- It’s great that the fans in the Impact Zone don’t get to see these segments, because God forbid they’d want to know what happens on the show
Segment 14: Match 4: Fortune Vs. Fourfaces
- I hate elimination matches where eliminations happen with moves that would never work in a regular match
- If this “Jackson James” ends up being revealed as Bischoff’s son and is a heel ref, I’m gonna be pissed
- Nice to see someone actually just walking away from a springboard move, I hope everyone fighting Rey learns this
- Jesus…what a lame way to eliminate two people
- The “We Want Matt” chants are very clearly piped in
- God that crowd is dead, dead like my turkey
- Oh good…another TNA main event with a non-clean finish, at least my DVR caught it this time
I assume that the way Immortal was drinking, they all gang rape Dixie Carter, at least I’m guessing.
Oh well I guess that’s it for TNA…thanks for screwing over DVR viewers on a holiday epiosde assclowns.