Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Abyss is Missing….Again

Howdy Mayhemmers, it’s time once again for a TNA review and to see if they can capitalize on the pleasant surprise of Abyss returning!

Segment 1: Recrap, Hogan segment, Storm segment

• Abyss coming back is ultimately a good thing I think, but he needs to be pushed right away, and he probably won’t be
• Yes Hogan, let’s start with talking about AJ….because THAT was the big story last week…idiot
• Oh goodie….a contract signi..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, sorry did I fall asleep? I hate contract signings
• The people in Tupulo must be wondering where he went, since he was just out there 15 minutes ago
• I love Joseph Park
• I wonder if the Abyss vest is under that button down shirt
• Um…didn’t D’Lo get fired by TNA?
• God I hate Walmart Stone Cold

Segment 2: Match 1: Roode Vs. Churro

• God I hate you Churro
• Jeez James Storm is the stupidest person on Impact
• James, you idiot, you superkicked both teams and refused to count pinfalls when they were fighting for a number one contendership
• You screwed both teams over, both teams are backstabbing heels, of course they all beat you up,,,because you were a dick

Segment 3: Angle segment

• Kurt, you really shouldn’t point out that you have wrestled AJ a lot of times
• Why do all the Aces and Eights shirts say “Support” on the bottom of them?
• So next week is when AJ attacks Anderson right?

Segment 4: Match 2: Jay Bradley Vs. Christian York

• It’s kinda upsetting that the only two of the four Gut Check people in this thing I wanted to see wrestle each other first
• Oh good, Boomstick moves on, I like him better

Segment 5: Clubhouse segment, Match 3: Gail Vs. Velvet

• I enjoy Anderson being kinda like the general of the Aces, even though that should probably be a sergeant thing to do
• I don’t like these really short segments they do often

Segment 6: Bully segment, match cont, X-Division segment

• Ummm….weird placing of this no?
• So the Knockouts match at Slammiversary isn’t even for the belt? Yay.
• They’ve been doing a good job selling Gail’s new turn here though
• I don’t want to know where Taz though that horseshoe was….or do I?
• These guys still need a storyline, not just “we’re gonna wrestle!”

Segment 7: Suicide segment, Match 4: Sabin Vs. King Vs. Petey, Team Appletini segment

• I don’t give a shit about Suicide
• OMG THEY FINALLY CUT OUT SOME ENTRANCES! GOOD ON YA TNA!
• Hey Sabin….Petey….if you two are so angry about Kenny picking up the scraps, then why not double team him when he leaves the ring?
• If a Petey match happens without a Canadian Destroyer, did it really happen?
• Christopher Daniels, thank you for making sense

Segment 8: Aces segment, Match 5: Hernandez Vs. Daniels

• How did D’Lo “bury” Wes and Garreccct?
• I love when Taz actually talks strategy
• Why would TNA go back to the 9PM time slot on a pre-recorded show?
• Storm looks like a drunk uncle who is about to cornhole a nephew
• Oh Jeez…he’s not bringing back Chris Harris is he?

Segment 9: Match 6: D’Lo Vs. Park

• Folks. This is the main event. D’lo. Fucking. Brown.
• The Park/Abyss thing has to come to a head soon right?
• Park gets beat up by Devon and then Hogan books Abyss to get the shot at Slammiversary right?

Segment 10: Slammiversary rundown, Contract signing

• Ultimate X? When was that announced besides now?
• God, they couldn’t even get a table?
• So, while I appreciate the “negotiation” it sounds like this will turn into “overbooking”
• Um….Bully….you wrestled him last week
• Why would you ask for a No Holds Barred match with a guy who has a whole crew that loves to interfere in matches
• That is the best stipulation ever! Unless Sting wins.
• WHY WOULD YOU CUT THE SHOW IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT?

TNH8 Scale

Logic: 3 out of 5 Laganas….they need to figure out what they are doing with AJ, and James Storm needs not to be an idiot

Wrestling: 3 out of 5 Laganas….very average show and short matches

Overall: 6 out of 10 Laganas