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Mad Mike Reviews TNA: Claire Looks Like The Lizard

Aug 17, 2012

Greetings Mayhemmers, since I’m the guy who watches TNA the most as the main hosts on this show, but we never seem to talk about it (mainly because it sucks) I decided to at least use my journalistic integrity and live blog about it each week. This will be written live as I watch Impact, so enjoy!

Segment 1: Recrap, Aries segment

Why didn’t everyone wait for Aces and Assholes like they did last week on Impact at the PPV?
God why does this have to be ruined by Drug Hardy
Doesn’t anyone realize that calling out a faction that uses sneak attacks doesn’t work?
Why doesn’t everyone just stay at ringside the whole show, then Aces and Assholes won’t come out
God if the Bound for Glory Series ends with Bully Vs. Aries….I’d fucking love it
“Excuse me, Calfzilla?”
Oh look Bane is back in the Impact Zone
YOU CAN’T ROLL DICE AND GET A HAND IN POKER!!!!!

Segment 2: Magnus segment, Match 1: Magnus Vs. Joe, Maddy segment

It’s cute that Magnus thinks he can still win
At this point, people are mathematically eliminated from the BFG Series, so they should have a “spoiler” angle where someone in the bottom tries to screw a Top 4 guy
Wow…quick match, and so much for that whole “Joe always trying submissions” thing
Okay, I take that back…good explanation Taz
Yay Maddy!!! The Queen is back!
They should really record a commercial that doesn’t have Morgan in it

Segment 3: Maddy segment

Madison has been the anchor of the Knockouts Division for almost two years now
So wait, did TNA do this whole thing just so fans could chant something that sounded close to “You Screwed Bret”?
Oh no….oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, please don’t tell me Brooke is going to eventually wrestle
Wow, someone actually was waiting for Aces and Assholes to show up…this is good

Segment 4: Sting segment, Daniels/Kaz segment

What good is calling Aces and Assholes out again? Seriously…they’re in the arena, everyone go look around to find them…that place isn’t that big
“Claire looks like The Lizard” hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha that’s the best thing to come out of this story
AJ…just get the fucking paternity test anyway, or better yet…watch your own show and ask Claire why she was smoking

Segment 5: Match 2: AJ Vs. Daniels

How does an Interim Wrestling Commissioner have the ability to control who can get a paternity test?
Again…TNA doesn’t know how to space out their matches

Segment 6: Match cont, Sting segment, Hardy/Storm segment

Nice Koji Clutch there Daniels
I hope this is the feud ender match for this
Wow, that was a great finish
God what a waste of TV time
Waste of TV time x 2

Segment 7: Roode segment

Wow a whole segment to show that there’s no storyline for Roode….awesome

Segment 8: Gut Check segment, Match 3: Hooters Vs. Maddy

Can we have one Gut Check person without some horrific tragedy in their life? These people aren’t superheroes
Way to fuck up Christy
Brooke…you can’t use phenomenal to describe someone that isn’t AJ
Tiffany is a ref…hope she doesn’t beat up any of the guys
Tiffany is the smartest ref in the history of professional wrestling
Jesus…why must we revert immediately back to Hooters?

Segment 9: Bane segment, Match 4: Hardy Vs. Bully

You’ve been waiting for someone to call you out Aces and Assholes? THEY’VE BEEN DOING THAT FOR THREE WEEKS
Hey morons, if Storm was behind Aces and Assholes…why didn’t they make sure he won the Tables match?

Segment 10: Match cont